I feel like I'm venting too much in my art book and I'm just making people worry too much... I.. I mean.. They're just..drawings right..? All inside my head?... I don't know..
I feel numb.. I hardly interact with people overall I just stay in this one spot... My only spot and it sucks.... I hate how quickly my mood changes.. In smiling for about 3 seconds and it goes back to a poker face and it hurts... It feels.. Unnatural to smile so most of the time I force it... I don't know why but is it selfish of me to do so..? I can't fully grasp the concept of how or why I can't smile genuinely longer than 3 seconds it just fades... Fades into the deep dark abyss of my mind to be forgotten...
Did I smile in that picture?
Is that the last picture?
Was it good enough?
Was it satifying?
You do see how unhappy I am even though I'm 'smiling'?
Is it really better to fake a smile rather than keeping a poker face?
I see nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I think is it better to smile to keep me from crying or Cry with the most discouraged look on my face and people taking notice...
It all happened in 2014... It's 2018.. Four long years... Trying to fight this... I... Should I even attempt anymore?...
I'm just tired okay
Nothing to worry about
No. I'm fine I'm sure about it thanks for asking....
Oh don't worry about me I couldn't be better
....Lies....
Lies.. All of them... They're all lies.. Why..... The first responce I give when someone ask me
'How are you?' '
I'm fine' is always my reply. It's always been my reply until recently and maybe I should just say I'm fine yes? Yeah ... I'll stop saying how I feel instead okay?
.....
Thank you...
