I wake up to the smell of waffles. I'm in some sort of hut. I look to my wing which should have been broken to see a brace on it. I lift it up to fly and surprisingly I can flawlessly.
I take another second to look at my surroundings. I'm in a bed but out of a door slightly open I can see a kitchen where an ogre and a donkey appear to be talking. I rub my eyes thinking I'm just imagining things but no such luck. This is real life.
I fly out cautiously because I want to know if I've been kidnapped. The ogre was complaining to the donkey. "Yeah, and she just left me for Tide Pod Chan! She took the kids too! Next thing I know Fiona and the kids are dead because they ingested too much laundry detergent!" He has a thick Scottish accent. I love Scottish accents.
"Man that's rough" the donkey said while gulping down his own cup of bleach. "Maybe some music will cheer you up." He pulled out a boom box and started playing The Yodeling Walmart Kid remix. Before I even know what I'm saying I shout "wHaT a fUcKiNg bOp!¡!"
The ogre turns around. "Oh, you're up! You like this music?"
I nod vigorously. "I listen to this every night before I sleep."
"My name is Shrek, and this is Donkey" the ogre tells me.
"My name is Barry" I say blushing.
"I like all sorts of music" shrek says, "ya like jazz?"
Maybe it's the fact that he used my pickup line. Maybe it's the fact that I'm an old Victorian lady, but I faint on the spot.
