To who ever cares,

12

I can still remember the first cut I made in high school. I was twelve. I had just had a art class and I could hear them whispering. Do you think she stuffs her bra? Stupid fat bitch. Loner. Freak. Just a few of the things I could hear. Pointed words and sentences, flying at me. I had no friends, no one from primary school wanted anything to do with the emo spaz. I was forced to sit alone in every class.

Teachers pitied me. I would get paired up with the students who were in need of teachers aid. The kids were nice, and so were the teachers, but it game the other students more ammo to use against me. Teacher’s pet. Big Foot. Another couple of names were added to the collection. It wouldn’t have been so bad if my brother had acknowledged me, but he wouldn’t even look at me when we were in school. I was an embarrassment.

I gave up, it had been 3 months since I made my first cut. I used a rock. I sat behind a classroom at lunch and started cutting away at my thigh. It took me 4 minutes to break the skin enough to have it bleed. I kept cutting for 13 minutes. I had a straight line from the outside of my left thigh to the inner thigh. It bled so much. I had to wait until class had started so I could run to the toilet and clean all the blood off. No one noticed this cut.

I made cuts to match it up and down my thigh over the following few weeks, until I was at a point where I had ran out of room.

I made my first friend in term two. She was just like me. Big curly hair, loved sport, loved learning, the only difference was that she was happy. I learnt what it was like to have someone to hang out with. I didn’t cut for 2 months, sure I pinched myself, pulled my hair out, kicked myself and a few other things, but I never made myself bleed.

And then the friendship group grew.

More girls came into our small duo, turning it into a group. It wasn’t good. They teased me, they mentally tortured me. I started cutting again.

And that was in my first 6 months of high school. Sounds like fun doesn’t it?

And you were there the entire time.

Yours insincerely,

Me