Stepping Stones

Stuck with them

*Trigger warning at the beginning* self harm

So here I am sat in my room looking at pictures of me and my parents. I don't know why I do this to myself-I suppose I do it so I can self harm without feeling guilty.
I watch as the little beads of blood appear on my wrist, it stings a bit but nothing major, I try not to do it so it scars me, so far I just have little lines underneath the newer ones, so if I stop it's pretty unnoticeable, but that won't be happening any time soon.

You're probably wondering where my brothers are, well they're having a great time playing video games while I'm up here self harming. I'm getting hungry but I mustn't eat, I'm already like an elephant, thinking about this makes me cut I few more times. Ahhhh sweet relief.

I clean my cuts and put antiseptic on them. I'm not some stupid little emo who doesn't know the meaning of 'you can get an infection if you don't clean cuts properly'. I'm not an emo (A/N I have nothing against emos-this statement is not meant to offend, I know that not all emos cut and if they do they take care of themselves)

As I put my baggy sweatshirt back on there's a knock at the door "hey sky, lunch is ready come down after you're done" I swing open the door and push past Max to go down to the kitchen. We have sort of an open plan living room/kitchen but we do have a dining room, it's just used for special occasions. Max followed not far behind me.

I sigh and sit in my chair, elbows on the table, looking down at my plate in disgust what is this shit "what the actual fuck it this" I said with a look of 'are you trying to poison me' my brothers just looked at me like I was an alien.
I'm not even kidding there was just yellow sludge on my plate.
"It's mac n' cheese, it doesn't look good but it tastes good and is there any need to swear" James replied.

"There is when you've got this shit on your plate, but I'll be an incredible sister and try it" topped off with a sickly sweet smile. The rest of the boys just rolled their eyes and carried on eating.
So I put i tiny little bit on my fork and held it up to my face "here goes nothing" I muttered to myself. I squeezed my eyes shut and popped it in my mouth, oh god,

"ARE YOU TRYING TO POISON ME!" I screeched standing up, my chair making a satisfying noise.

Oh god it was awful it was watery, but had little grains in and the cheese was all balled up in this watery sauce. One word DISGUSTAAANNNGGG (A/N comment if you get the vine ahaha)
"Skyler Grace Francis sit back down and eat, it really is not that bad, stop making such a fuss, children in countries all across the world would kill for this food" Dean scolded, well now you know my full name :)

"I'm not eating it" I crossed my arms defiantly. My brothers just sat there staring not knowing what to do.
"Fine but sit down and wait for us to finish" obviously dean thinks he's some big man now.
"Pffft no" the thought of me staying here repulses me.

"Skyler. Sit. Back. Down" dean looks pretty annoyed. "Jeez ok I'm just gonna go get an apple, what crawled up your ass"
I walk over to the fruit bowl but I hear my beloved brother Tyler thought it would be a great time to share with us his lovely self "you're such a spoilt little bitch Skyler. You know that right?

Please go back to your room like always,and wallow in self pity" the room went completely silent. "And you wonder why I don't want to be with you guys" and with that I ran upstairs and slammed my door. Hearing the faint shouting of Dean and Zach to Tyler.

Well at least I didn't eat lunch today.

If you're wondering why I'm not at school it's summer break, the first day to be exact, but 2 months with my brothers, KILL ME NOW.

2 hours later (we all did it in that voice didn't we ahaha)

Well I've been sat here for the last 2 hours watching nowhere boys. I got too hungry and ate the apple. Has anyone come to see if I'm alright? The answer my friends is no.

As of on cue Alex walks in. "You could've knocked"
"I just came to see if you're alright, you've been up here ages" he says plopping down on my bed.

Having company to talk to someone alone made me realise how much I missed having that with my mum. I guess I never really processed the whole 'my parents aren't coming back' thing.

Me and mum would FaceTime at least once a week and just catch up, we would talk about boys and how annoying it is without her and dad there.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Only then did I realise I had big tear drops running down my face. I put my laptop down on the side I moved so I was laying on his chest. He was a bit surprised to say the least, but nevertheless he put his arm around me.

"I miss mum and dad" I said between cries.
"It'll get better I promise" Alex is going up in my least hated brother list.
"Why don't we go downstairs and have hot chocolate, the rest of the boys are still in the game room"
"Ok" I sniffle
"Piggyback?" He offered, when I was younger I used to be carried EVERYWHERE. Piggybacks were an iconic childhood memory for me.

As I jumped on his back I was scared I would crush him. What if he falls.
"I'm probably too heavy for this, if you wanna put me down I don't mind"
"Are you kidding? You're so light" debating about whether that was sarcasm or not. I was tired from crying so I just lay my head on his shoulder.

I jumped down from Alex's 6 foot something frame. Why are they all so tall it's stupid.

I was sat on the barstool while Alex made a hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows (A/N omggggg melted marshmallows 😻)

Looking at my hot chocolate I hoped it would drown my problems in the chocolatey goodness. "You gonna drink it or just look at it" Alex chuckled
"Hoping it will drown my problems away" I mumble
"As much as we'd all like it, hot chocolate can't do that" I just look up at Alex

"Do you really all think that about me?" I ask looking back down at my hot chocolate starting to drink it.
"What?"
"What Tyler said" probably should of made it clear to begin with
"No, we know it's hard for you, you were close to mum and dad, we weren't, and we don't think you were spoilt, how else would you get anything without mum and dad, you can't work and we have the money to buy stuff" well I have no idea but that didn't answer the question. Oh well I'll go with it.

"Do any of you actually know anything about me?" They probably don't. And with Alex's silence I'll take that as a no.

"Hey Alex how's the Debbie downer doing" well thanks for that Jason

This changed nothing. I'm still stuck with them.

So I updated. This is fun. But not many people have read this but it's still fun ahahah. ♥️ liv