「 blush 」

daisy | seokjin

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Reminiscence.

'This time, it's real...'

_

I felt the scent of cinnamon surrounding the air as I entered the warm, cozy room. At the corner of my eye, I could see you there, scrolling through recipes on the laptop's screen.

'Oppa~' I smiled sheepishly, walking to you with the white daisies in my hand. 'Happy Valentine's Day !'

'Aw Y/N, thanks.' You chuckled, caressing the flowers in awe.

My heart raced, along with a simple thought suddenly lingering in my mind.

Let's just try it, one more time.

'Jin oppa !' I called.

'Hmm ?'

'..I like you.'

You stopped for a moment, then turned round and faced me.

'Really Y/N ?' You narrowed your eyes, breath hitching in a soft tone.

Yes, it's real.

'Nah. Hahaha I was joking...' I faked sticking my tongue out, only to receive a small sigh from you.

That; was the fifth time I confessed. And as usual, I failed, again. I was scared of rejections; I didn't want to know the truth.

Because it would hurt, for sure.

You were the ideal type of every girls back then. Your appearance, personality and not forget to mention your cooking skills; everything was perfect.

For me, you were also a special person; an old beloved senpai.

When I was a freshman in university, you were a junior. I saw you in the library on Thursday evenings, at which point I started to admire you from afar. Your desk would always filled with red roses and love letters, but you'd never accepted any of them.

One day, I joined the cooking class you'd opened for a year. Only, to get closer to you.

As a habit, I cycled to your class in the afternoons. Sometimes, mom even laughed at me for being hard work out of sudden.

"I know."

Two years before, I confessed the first time.

It was a rainy evening, fog surrounded the glassy windows of your class. Always was the last person leaving the lesson, I took it an advantage.

Making my way to you, I handed a small card with dry daisy on top of it.

-I loved daisies a lot.

'...Oppa...I like you !'

I remembered your face expression changed dramatically after that, and just when you were about to say something.

'Y/N I'm-'

'Haha just kidding !!'

I cut you off.

The second, third and fourth time repeated like that. You thought my words were only jokes, but no.

It was my fault, for not being brave enough; for not being good enough.

_

The clock showed 7pm, and it was snowing outside.

'Okay guys, that's the end for today !' You announced.

I glanced at you once, then heading towards the door.

I wouldn't stay.

Didn't know where to go, I just walked blankly for almost an hour.

Until, I saw you.

You were grinning, while kissing her cheek sweetly. The streetlights illuminated you and her, standing beside a ramen shop. A date, I guessed.

I felt my heart sank. It was like a flood occurring, when my hope was gone.

You holding her hand
You kissing her
You loving her.

What should I do ?

That night, I ran under the snow.

Like a daisy; lonely and too simple.

Like a daisy.

'I think I love you.'

...

I waited outside the old library, wanting to meet you for the last time.

To Kim Seokjin.

'I love you.'

'Y/N...Are you-'

'I'm not joking, not now.' I muttered. 'This time, it's real.'

You didn't speak, neither did I. We stayed silent for minutes.

You then spoke up.

'...I'm sorry..' You mumbled.

Sorry.

'...I know, well, this is the sixth time I confessed. Haha I think, it's also the last time...'

My chest heaved, I inhaled deeply before looking up at you.

'Can I hug you ?' I asked, and you nodded.

In your embrace, everything stopped. Though it was snowing hardly, I felt warm. You made me feel warm.

I gazed at the starry sky, chuckling lightly to myself.

I failed, again.

But at least, I did it.

I did it for real.

_

To my Eatjin.