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It was a dark and— actually, it was probably a foggy, god-awful depressing morning in Leer-dam, and don't even try to make me remember what fucking day it was. But for the record, just imagine it being any boring Tuesday morning, like at 5 AM.
The town was still. The townhouse lights were out. The townspeople were in bed; except, of course, those weirdos who wake up before 5 AM.
Somewhere in this town, like literally just pick any random place in your head, (inside a chimney, up a tree, underneath a cow) a little bird had a dream. It wasn't like an Orwellian kind of dream, but more like those dreams you get when you're, I don't know, asleep?
Anyhow, that bird had a dream, and it was fucking metal as fuck, that's all I can say. I won't even try to imagine what kind of fucked-up dream a bird would have, but it would probably be along the lines of finding that the old man who always gave you bread by the park bench is dead and all his bread is just sitting there, for you to take in a single mo'. Or, like being able to hold a machine gun in each wing and going rambo on all the geese fools over at the Junction park and taking over their turf, which is way nicer than the birds' turf over on Mini-Meinweg park, because it has a larger lake, which means more geezers with more bags of bread.
Scratch that. Was I really just trying to tell you that a bird was having a dream like the ones I just laid out to you? And did you seriously believe a bird would be able to dream something like that? You're a goddamn dumbass if I've ever seen one. Everyone knows a bird is dumb as shit, and even shit is full of those devious little bacteria fuckers.
The only point of having a Part 1 to a story is to introduce the audience to everything, so that's what you're getting. Oh, and you're probably thinking to yourself, "this fool will probably be narrating the whole goddamn story, and only shitty stories have narrators."
Well fuck you too, pal.
The only characters you'll be needing to know about in this story will be me and me alone. Shit, don't forget about the bird. And there's also a little club full of the local losers trying to set a new world record for the longest domino chain. Don't forget about that too.
Other than that, we should be good. Capiche? Or, as they say in the Netherlands, Begrijpt u dit, idioot?
