Getting to Know You

Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

"Can you ask a different question?" I tried to joke, but the serious look on Ashton's face never faltered. I sighed, picking at a loose thread on the blanket. This day had been so up and down already, and I did not want to talk about this.  "He makes you nervous, I can see it."  Ashton said, telling me that he wasn't going to ask a different question after all.  

"Ashton..."  I whispered, pleading with him to change the subject.  He shook his head, holding his ground.  "You're scared of him, and I want to know why."  

I was getting angry at him for pushing me, and I didn't want to be angry with him.  "Why would you think I'm scared?"  I challenged, balling my hands into fists.  "That!  That right there."  He said, tapping my fist.  I spread out my fingers, glaring at him.  “That doesn’t mean I’m scared.”  I said.

"You lock your door.  You flinched when he tried to apologize.  Why was he even apologizing?"  He asked a string of questions, and I wasn't ready to answer any of them.  

My eyes widened when I realized that he had seen Marcus and I in the kitchen.  "You're very observant today."  I said, looking away.  

"I'm sorry."  He said.  I scoffed, hugging my knees against my chest.  "I am. I know I shouldn't have been watching..."  He sighed.  "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me, right?"  He said, his voice soft.   I rested my forehead on my knees.  "Ashton, can we please talk about something else?"  I begged.  "Please."  I whispered, my voice shaking.  

"Just tell me what it is."  He said, getting frustrated that I wasn't willing to talk to him about it.  I took a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down.  "Ash, please."  I flexed my fingers, trying extremely hard not to ball my hands into fists. 

Ashton noticed, his expression softening as he leaned forward and took both of my hands in his. The gesture was so sweet and comforting that I started to tear up. The corners of his lips turned up in a small smile, his eyes pleading, begging me to tell him what was wrong. He looked concerned. I couldn't remember the last time somebody had looked at me that way; I couldn't remember the last time somebody had looked genuinely worried that I might not be okay.   

For one brief moment I felt like I could tell Ashton about Marcus, that maybe he wouldn't care how broken I was.  Maybe I could tell him...  Would I feel any better if somebody finally knew? 

I turned away so my back was to him, blinking back the tears.  If I had looked at Ashton for even a second longer, I would have told him, and I would have ruined everything.  

"We just don't always get along." I said, trying to steer clear of additional questions.  "I'm not a daddy's girl."  I said, closing my eyes as a tear slipped down my cheek.  'I'm not a daddy's girl' was an understatement.  

"So you're missing your mom, then."  He said gently, not knowing how true that statement was.  My chest ached and I suddenly felt like the wind had been knocked right out of me.  I couldn't breathe.  "I'm kind of a mama's boy, myself."  He added, trying to ease some of the tension I had created when I turned around.  I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to muffle the sob that had worked its way into my throat.  I wasn't a daddy's girl, I didn't even have a mother to be a 'mama's girl' for... I wasn't anybodies.

Ashton was quiet as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders from behind, pulling me into his chest.  He held me tightly against his chest as he lay back, reaching behind him and throwing the blanket over the both of us.  He buried his face in my hair, the tip of his nose tickling my ear.  I listened to Ashton’s slow, even breathing, trying my best to match it so I could calm down.  I twined my fingers with his and kissed the top of his hand, concentrating on my breathing.  I laid there quietly for quite some time, and Ashton let me.