Better // Reddie

one

TRIGGER WARNING: Depictions of anorexia, mention of mental health institutions. 

Eddie Kaspbrak sat alone at lunch. Again. Not like that was anything out of the ordinary for him. Maybe it would have been, several years ago. But now? The empty seats surrounding him were part of the routine. He welcomed it. Eddie preferred solitude.

The loud cacophony of the cafeteria blurred into a nonsensical blend of high school chatter and the hum of the machines as the staff hurriedly prepared for the round of hungry teenagers that would file into the cafeteria after this bunch cleared out.

The smell of the cruddy cafeteria pizza and curly fries (that everyone was obsessed with, for some reason) infiltrated his nose. He felt sick.

Why hadn't Eddie gone to the library? It would be so much quieter there, and the smell of books was one that he welcomed. But he knew why. Honestly, he didn't think he could make it, as silly as it sounded. The library was all the way on the other side of the school, and Eddie was exhausted. He needed to conserve energy. After all, he had a bio test next hour.

Eddie stared at the textbook on the table in front of him, occupying the space where a lunch was meant to go. Of course, that space had been empty for quite a while as well. Not as long as the seats around him had stood empty, but long enough.

It had been a long time since he'd last eaten. And it'd been even longer since he'd last had a proper meal. How long was he going on? It was a few days at least. Eddie had sworn off food. He could eat again once the stomach fat was gone. Which, at this rate, it looked like it would be quite a while.

He was so close to being healthy. So close to finally being incomparable to his mother, the dreaded Sonia Kaspbrak. But the fat was still there. Whenever Eddie managed to get rid of fat in one place, it would show up someplace new. Someplace that was so glaringly obvious, that he'd wonder how he'd managed to overlook it before. Edward Kaspbrak was far from perfect. But he could get there. He would get there. Or he'd die trying.

Eddie couldn't remember when it all began.

Was it during health class, when the teacher warned against the dangers of obesity? Or could it have been one of his interactions with his mother- the ones where afterwards, he sobbed into his pillow and vowed never to be like her. Maybe it was when Greta Keene had laughed loudly when seeing the insane amount of food his mother packed in his lunch.

("I can't have my Eddie-kins going hungry, I just can't bear it!" Sonia would screech as she piled snacks into his already bulging lunch bag)

The brown paper sack she gave him each morning usually ended up somewhere in the bushes on his route to school. He felt bad about the waste of food, sure. But it was better than facing the barrage of questions Eddie would get if he brought home an untouched meal.

That would get him busted for sure.

He'd gotten the whole thing down to a science. He came home late, when his mother was already sitting in front of the television, usually passed out. He would get a glass of water, and go directly up to his room. It was easy enough to avoid dinner. Not like he was missing anything- Sonia Kaspbrak was only able to cook various casseroles, and that was only when she felt like making anything other than a TV dinner.

From his table, he could see Greta and her stupid friends. She sat at what had been nonverbally decreed as "The Popular Kid" table, which was solely populated by Derry High School's elite. Todd, their school's star quarterback, had an arm around her while she twittered away with her friends.

Eddie wondered if he should be feeling jealousy right now. Probably, but he was too tired and over it to care. Junior year would be done soon, the sticky heat of the Maine summer had already begun to creep in. Not that it was insanely hot or anything, but it had begun to reach over fifty degrees sometimes, which counted as a win for Maine natives. Once the second week of June hit, Eddie would be home free.