Secret words [ Lee Donghae FF ]

15 . Pain

its was 4 in the morning and i couldn't sleep , Mina's look kept turning in my mind , true i wasn't scared of her but i was worried about donghae what if she go after him just to make me suffer , the was she looked last night i bet she capable of doing anything and i can't afford losing another loved one , i looked at donghae who was deep in sleep , i kissed his soft lip lightly making sure i dont wake him up and then i get up slowly and i put on my clothes , i left him a small note telling him not to worry  and i made my way out of the house , hoping that his security won't catch me , i had to go like this because what i was planning on doing need to be  handled by me and only me.

after a long debating with myself i figured that to know the truth i had to go back to the beginning , i had to go back home ,so i took the first bus and headed to our neighborhood  in that old village we used to live in me suhyun and our late parents .

the first thing i did was going back to the orphanage both me and suhyun were in before my mother and father adopted us , i tried talking with the principle to convince him to let me take a look on her old file 

" please sir i need to find out about her past before she came her !" 

" you need to understand miss y/n this information are confidential "

"but she ... she is dead , please sir " and my eyes were filled with tears , he looked at me and i could see sympathy in there.

" listen Miss y/n i wished i could help you but i can't "  as he was talking his assistant came in and looked at me and i could feel she panicked a little bit , she gave him some files and went out.

i was disappointed because i really hoped that my visit today would give me some answers but it didn't . i walked through the alley of our old village and the memories started flowing back into my mind i could still smell the bread from the old bakery down the road and still remember every step of that old stroll , the trees that were on the sides of the lane that were once small got bigger and the people's faces changed too. with heavy small stepped i went to our old house , and i could still hear my mother's voice calling for me and suhyun to come inside and eat , the sight of my dad sitting in his old chair reading the papers , and the smell of my mom's delicious cocking , those were happy times long befor i became this harsh emotionless person i am now or at least i was not long  ago .i was looking around touching every piece of tiered furniture as if  waiting for if to speak to me and make me feel home again , i went to my mom's room and opened her closet that was still as she left it the day she died because i could never touch her thing after that , i never had the courage , i started going through her thing tears rolling down my cheeks ,

i miss you mama , i wish you are still here so i can cry in embrace and tell you how this life was rough on me since the day you and  dad , i wish i could tell you how it knocked me down everytime i rise and how suhyun left me too and i was left all alone .

and between her stuff i found this small wooden box that i have never seen before , i open it and i found a small jewelry pouch that has my initial on it " y.n" i opened it and i found a thin golden necklaces with circle pendant with to letters " L .D"