Dear Gracie,
Well, here I am. One day before your birthday, writing down the things that mean so much to me, all for you. You can think of this as a birthday gift that keeps on giving. I've decided that this book will be the place where I write everything I want to say to you or just anything on my mind.
This book will be nothing but honesty, I promise. Everything you read in here will be completely and utterly true.
Just minutes ago, you showed me something that gives me a better understanding of what you're going through and what goes on in your head. Now, I see. You are more broken than I thought. You have been torn down. I want to make it all better. I want to save you from your memories and the thoughts that are always going through your head.
I hope I can achieve that.
This book will also contain things I've wanted to reveal about myself but never had to guts to say. So, let's begin, shall we?
Gracie, when I see you, I see someone who is so pretty and kind hearted. You are worth so much more to me than it seems you are to yourself. You think you're ugly, but all I see is a beautiful girl who just has more insecurities than most. You're not the only one though, I have more insecurities than I can count. I may write about that later.
You think you're dumb, but I believe you're wrong about that. I'll admit, I don't actually know how "smart" you are, but I don't believe it really matters. I mean, you don't need to know what chemicals make up a certain substance or how to find the apothem of a polygon to be a good friend. You have such a kind heart, you will always have people who love you, nomatter how "smart" you are. You may think differently, but that's how I feel.
You told me you think you're a failure. I don't understand though. How can someone who has earned so much love from other people be a failure? In my book, you are so successful and rich in love. Many people haven't earned the complete trust from a friend or have the love they so desperately need. But you do. I don't understand why you say you're a failure. Perhaps one day you could help me understand?
Gracie, I'm honored. I stepped into your life without a clue about what would happen. But somehow, I managed to gain your trust and you told me a secret. You told me about your brother, Deon. I'm not even going to pretend like I know what it was like to lose him. But I'm honored that of all the people you could have told, you chose to tell me about him. I'm honored.
You see, I've moved around a lot. My first best friend was a girl named Maddie. I told you about her. But the thing is, I never really knew much about her. I knew what guy she had a crush on and what her favorite color was, but I never really knew much about her. Then, she moved. She moved out of my life and moved on. I never did. The memory of her still gets to me sometimes. The way we promised to stay in touch, then the moment she left, she was out of my life. One of my biggest regrets is not hugging her goodbye when I saw her for the last time. Simply put, even though we seemed close, I never really knew her.
Then, I had to move to Maryland. For a while, my only friend was Bella. You know her. I thought she was my best friend. Oh how wrong I was. It killed me to see all the times she would post on Instagram about how much she loves her friends and yet never once mentioned me. I went to her house nearly everyday and yet she never came to my house unless someone made her go. It hurt considering we lived right next door. I never really knew her either.
She didn't even tell me when she got a boyfriend.
So the fact that you had such a painful secret and decided to tell me, of all people, left me feeling both sad for you and completely and totally, honored. Thank you, Gracie. Thank you for being the person who cared enough to share.
I remember the last day I saw you at church. We would not stop hugging. Although it was a sad moment, it felt great to have people love me enough to hang on. It seems like all people do is leave. Growing up my dad would have to go away for several months at a time. He would miss my birthday and holidays. You know, he wasn't even there for my actual birth. Now, my dad is always at work and my mom is always traveling. She was once gone for my birthday as well. I acted as though I didn't care but really, I hoped she would see through the act. Even as I write this, my mom is nowhere near me. She's traveling again. This has become normal but it doesn't help the fact that all people seem to do is leave. But you are hanging on even from a thousand miles away. Thank you for that.
Gracie, I'm not as put together and strong as I may seem. We both have our difficulties. Maybe that's why we get along so well. I don't know but it seems like that may be a factor.
I love you, Gracie. And although we may not speak everyday, we speak very often. That means more to me than you know. I care about you and seeing you hurt hurts me too. But please, whenever you are hurting, do not hesitate in telling me all about it. People can deal with pain much better when someone is there with them. Let me be that person.
That's all for today, seeing as it is pretty late now. But before I go, please understand this.
You are loved! Even if it may not always seem like it, I promise you are loved. Remember, the Lord loves you more than we can even fathom. He created you for a purpose. Do not give up. The same one who created the universe created you and He loves you. I love you too.
