Cloud 9

It's Okay I suppose

Chapter 2
Its Okay I Suppose

April 24, 2018. I stared so long at the date for so long that my reflection suddenly appeared, darkened by the dark mirror. I Suppose should have seen it coming, considering the amount of weight this day holds. The whole situation seems unbelievable, even to this day. Something written in a fiction book. A made up fantasy to thicken a boring plot. But it wasn't. No matter what, it was part of my life. Me and the thousands of others who know her.

Pardon me,.... known her.

The dream hit me hard. I can't remember the last time i've thought of her. Been able to imagine her so clearly. Been able to feel her. Of course it had to happen today. It is her day. The day she was given life. And sadly the day it was abruptly taken away.

That rocked me to the core of my body. How distasteful and saddening this day turned out to be. Why give us a day to celebrate her only to punish us with the fact that she left us without a choice today too. What a burden. Celebrating her birthday past years without knowledge that in the future, the only thing that will reach your mind is the because of her death and how she isn't here anymore. To be reminded the most today of how she died, and it can't be reversed.

What a dreadful feeling. What a truly dreadful feeling.

Pasted tense. over. elapsed. Completed. Gone. and she left nothing back. No letters that you could read at the funeral; that would hopefully cheer up some faces in the crowd. No offspring that one could use to say that she is living on everyday in them. All that left is a tender dent. A dent in the hearts of her loved ones that she can no longer fill. A dent that we have tried to fill. The pictures do nothing but deepen it. The clothes have lost their smell long ago and are know deemed useless to this everlasting mission. It aches at the thought of going near places we new she loved, so I stray far away from them. Miles away from them, at that.

And I have to continue living. I am Ying without Yang. Black without white. Right without wrong, or perhaps the other way around. And in all those situations, guess what? They still have to move on without the other regardless. Ying will still live on. Black will still exist. Wrong will still exist and vice versa.

The world around will change, but the life of whoever's left will have to continue. No matter what, it will continue.

Suffering? They will. Agony? Of course. Yet we will live until someone permits us to rest. Who knows? That someone could be your own self.... Hah ain't that fucked up?

I feel a heavy arm sling across me and the clean air around me suddenly fill with the stale scent of pip smoke. I don't even have to turn my head to know it's Jiraiya. And no, it's actually Jeremy. He just enjoys being a huge nerd and not feeling any shame for it.

"What's up, love? You look deep in thought. Mind if I take a dip?" he sings lightly, wiggling his eyebrows in a mischievous way. I try not to roll my eyes but I realize that I don't have the energy to resist it. He notices and decides to exaggeratingly mimic the action while childishly stomping his feet.

"I don't act AND/or sound like that." I couldn't help cracking a smile at how ridiculous he is. A light chuckle escaped me as he gasped loudly 'she SMILES?!?!?'. No matter how funny it was though, the weight still loomed on me.

"Don't you have something better to do Jeremy.. Oops I meant Jiraiya?" his hand wacked me on the shoulder at the sound of his name and began to walk backwards in front of me.

"You mean like studying for a final that I know i'm going to get a 75 at least on and actually focus on my life career instead of bothering you on your way to your hardest class that I KNOW you have a big test on and not let you gather up all the info you probably didn't memorize till the last minute?!?" he gushed out in one breath. "Cause' if that's what you mean then no, I don't have anything to do but spend time with my lovely darling." I wanted to hit the pouting expression off his face.

"I hope you trip and fall." I try to keep my voice as cold as possible. And I did study for the test. I mean, ten minutes is better than nothing.

He shook his head, smiling, as if he had read my mind. That or I said it out loud. I didn't get a chance to ask because Kaleb decided to join my dreadfully long seeming walk to class. Thankfully, Jiraiya went to banter with Kaleb and left me to the "peace" of my mind. Almost Instantly, thought popped up about her and my heart begged me to enter the conversation, desperate for a distraction.

You're fine. Calm down.... Calm down.

My mind's tone wasn't convincing enough because slightly blurred and my throat became dry. I'm a goddamn mess.

"You guys are coming right? Cause' we're gonna have a hella good time."

"You already know we are. As if i'd let Miss over here grumble over a test that she's gonna bomb. Plus, a nice cold drink should soothe her, don't you think? It's the perfect remedy." He says reaching and giving me a little shake.

I steal a quick glance at him. "Keep talking like that, alcoholic." The steadiness in my tone gives my body little hope that i'll actually make it through today fooling others and myself that everything's normal.

I quickly enter the science building and round the corner to my class, breaking off from kaleb and jiraiya with a short bye and empty promises of meeting them later.

"This exam is all long answer. I hope you've all prepared properly."

Shit.

Those two sentences almost bring me to tears. The groans around the class only amplified my pain. I completely take back what I said. Why must the Gods torment me today? I look up at the heavens and say a silent prayer. It should have been to God, yet a completely different name came to mind.

Rose... Please give me strength.

And with that, I started, only to realize by the end that I should have never began in the first place.