Cloud 9

The Warmth I Felt

CHAPTER 1
The Warmth I Felt

I loved her. Not in a way one would love their friend, but I did. I didn't want to be romantic with her and I certainly didn't see us married or dating, but I wanted us to be together. I wanted her to be mine. If she didn't want that, then why did she choose me? Why would she choose to be my friend, and tell me her deepest secrets, and look for me when I would disappear? She wanted me but didn't accept the consequences that followed.

I thought about it day and night, yet no answers to my worries would arise. So I did the only thing I could do. I loved her. I put all my energy and life into loving her.

I was foolish. I should have assumed that, with all that love, hate could also bloom. The most dangerous hate of all, at that.

And I did nothing. I just kept loving her.

So, it's no surprised that when this thought popped up in my mind, I squeezed her hand I was holding a little too tight. So much that she let out a little "yelp" before turning her head over to me smiling. I returned it as I eased up the tension around her soft palm.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly so the conversation around us wouldn't break.

"Of course. Just perfect." I said broadening my smile a little, as if that millimeter difference would seal the deal and ease her worry. She stared at me a half a second to late before turning back and engaging in the argument going around. I started at her, too, for a moment before focusing on the conversation.

"Obviously if we thought the same way, we wouldn't be having this argument!" exclaimed Aloe, shrugging his shoulders so high, they nearly touched his ears.

"Obviously, if you were mature enough, we would be able to come with a compromise that would fit select pieces of our sides." Tim mockling fired back, straightening his back and lowering his eyes, daring Aloe to speak against him.

"Can we end this here, though? Cause' I really don't want to hear bantering while I enjoy my tasteless school lunch." Rosemary exhaled, turning back to me for support. Quickly, I added in an exasperated sigh to strengthen her point.

"See? Florence agrees with me."

"Florence always agrees with you" I'm not sure what the name was of the boy who said it, but he often hanged out around here. I really should learn it though. How rude of me.

That remark made Rose release a short chuckle before smiling proudly at me.

"What can I say, she's the best."

Best... is that right?

"Yeah, sure." Aloe laughed off but not before mumbling 'in hell she is' not so quietly. I shook my head as I reach over and smack him lightly on the head. He exclaimed a 'hey' as he shook out his perfect head of hair. "Do you know how long it takes me to style it like this??!? Not five seconds like you uncultured swines!"

"There is no way you spend more than ten seconds on your hair." Rose mocked him for his lack of patience which he thought was ridiculous. (Though she was absolutely correct).

"Me and florence invented being patient!" she exclaimed proudly.

That statement sent me back. Hit me harder then it should. I can only imagine what my face looked like, but I was sure I wasn't being so discreet about the emotions that had arisen.

A deep wave of humbling distress slowly pushed through me from head to toe, even pausing for a moment at my heart and then my stomach.

They were all staring at this point and I tried to regain composure and agree with Rose but my mouth and mind wouldn't cooperate long enough for me to form a sentence. All I could muster up was one word.

One.

She looked at me shocked and her smile fell into nothing. Time seemed to stop for a moments before she muttered two. I don't know why, but my heart serged as if it was physically empowered from hearing the sound from her lips. I could see Aloe's form deflate a little but I was entranced by Rose to care.

We continued back and forth until the last number I had settled outside my mouth. Nine. her smiled returned with every number we said. I anticipated the final number and became discouraged when she only looked at me with sadness briming in her. The cafeteria was oddly quiet.

"You know I can't say it." she said, slightly shaking her head. All I could do is tilt my head and look at the others for help. Help I somehow knew they couldn't give.

"She never made it." Aloe said in the background. It didn't sound like him. The silence that followed didn't sound the same either.

A tear slid down her cheek I was desperate to swipe it away yet I couldn't move my body.
"Please... please.. please please please." At this moment, I was frantic as I begged her to answer me.

She shook her head harder and harder as she apologized. 'I didn't make it" she whispered. Trying to reach out to me. Why am I so far away? Why am I sinking?

I used my last ounce of strength and pushed my body toward her, hoping to feel her once again, but only connected with air. My eyes were now open and I was no longer with my friends, but in my bed.

What the hell? I tried to sit up but my hands shook almost violently and cold sweat made it hard to get a good grip on anything. I needed my hand to shut up. And needed the world to shut up and give me a chance to think. Almost immediately I got my wish and though the world kept going, I was graced with a haunting realization.

I swallowed down bile and slowly leaned up.

Oh yeah.. How could I forget?