Heat

19

I'm in love with you!

I was still standing in my foyer and stared through the frosted glass inlets of my front door, trying to comprehend what Marshall had told me before he'd left a few minutes ago.

He's in love with me!

I couldn't believe that he really felt the same as me, or more like I didn't want to believe it, especially not after what Royce had told me.

Marshall had had sex with another woman to later realize that he wants me instead....

My head started spinning when the painful words raced through my mind but while I glide down to the ground and pulled my legs up to my body, something put a halt to my thoughts.

You heard him, believe him. He's in love with you!

I couldn't stop the tears which broke free now from my scattered feelings. I was hurt..... hurt from what Royce had told me, hurt that Marshall hadn't said a word....hurt that the man I was in love with had betrayed me.

But did he really???

I rubbed my hands over my face in an attempt to clear my head, stop the tears which let my eyes burn like fire and then scrambled to my feet. Somehow I had to calm down, start to think rational again and find out what I'd do. Deep down I knew I shouldn't trust Royce's words but still a small part of me did. It wasn't long ago that Marshall had left me or had made a bet, so it could be possible that he'd had sex with another woman.

UGH......

I groaned and grabbed my hair while I walked into my living room where I plopped down on my couch. I wanted nothing more than to believe what Marshall had just told me through my closed front door. He'd sounded hurt, almost broken and the man I'd gotten to know over the past months, was far from someone to admit that he was hurt. He was one of the strongest people I've ever met....

Believe him!!!

The small voice in my head was becoming louder with every train of thought and while I just wanted to clear my mind, not think of anything, I wasn't able to stop it.

For hours I'd sat at the same spot, hadn't moved one inch while my thoughts had reminisced every second I'd spend with Marshall, every word he'd ever said, every mimic every gesture....... every touch and kiss..

Undoubtedly I was in love with him, that I knew for sure, but how should I deal with all that had happened by now?! How could I, Miss overly rational, believe him and therefore let myself fall completely into his hands?!

Because he's in love with you!!!!!

By now the small voice in my head had the volume of a choir and was screaming from the top of its lungs. Still I couldn't fully convince myself or maybe I didn't want to?

I couldn't believe, actually never really could, why Marshall had wanted me, had chosen to be with me out of all the women he'd met. He could have much more beautiful, smarter, more outgoing, less complicated ones than me.

But he wants you!!!

The choir in my head had again sang/ screamed another aria which had pulled me back to reality. The sun had long gone down and my house was completely dark and quiet, all that was heard was my breathing and while I finally and pretty laboriously stretched out my numb legs, I grabbed the blanket from beside me. It was cold and while I'd never felt so alone in my life as now, I stood to my feet, the woolen blanket wrapped tightly around me for warmth and comfort, I trotted to switch on a light. Next was the heater and when a quick look at my watch told me that it was already 11 pm I switched the light off again and slowly turned towards the stairs to go to bed. I knew I should've eaten a little, but there was no feeling of hunger, only emptiness.