Dangerline

CHAPTER 40- SO FAR AWAY

SEPTEMBER 1st

      Adam had been showing up at my apartment every morning to take me out to breakfast and today was the first day in a long time that I actually felt hungry instead of telling food to fuck off. While my mood was still glum I knew I had to act the part especially in public so I dressed nicely in a cute sundress and curled my long hair. We opted to walk to the restaurant this morning instead due to the gorgeous weather we were having and for once I allowed myself to be loved by another man. Adam made me laugh so many times over I had a stitch in my side from laughing so hard. It probably took us twice as long to get to Ruby's on the pier because he kept stopping to kiss me, or hug me to his body. I didn't fight it this time, instead I went with the flow and allowed myself the option of enjoying the affection of another man. Yes, I still missed Brian something terribly but my body felt so deprived of love that I couldn't help myself, I lost myself in all the kisses I was receiving, secretly pretending it was Brian all along. It wasn't until later in the day when I was back home that my day went sour, and it all had to do with Brian...

Kenna came over shortly after Adam left and said we had to talk, I didn't like the sound of that or the look on her face and I immediately dropped onto the couch. "Brian called me" she stated hesitantly, as if she wasn't even sure if she wanted to tell me this or not. "And?" I had to know what was said now, no matter how bad it was. "Ash, he saw you and Adam this morning..." she trailed off, looking out the windows towards the beach. "Okay so what?" I stated after a moment of silence, Adam had been his idea all along so I failed to see what the issue was. "He was pissed beyond belief Ash, he said something about you were getting way too close and personal with him and that he must not have meant that much to you after all...or some stupid shit like that. I tried to reason with him but he was so angry and emotional." I sat there listening to what Kenna told me and all sorts of emotions rolled off me but the one that was there the most was anger. "HOW DARE HE?!" I yelled into the apartment. "HE'S the one who told me to date Adam! HE'S the one who cut me off and texted Adam from MY phone! HE'S the one who left me here to die of a broken heart! HE SAID TO ACT THE PART!" I grabbed a throw pillow off the end of my couch and sobbed into it, angry, hurt and miserable that it had come to this. "This is why I never wanted to let a man in my life...because they take your heart and beat the shit out of it! At least I knew where I stood with my dad! I KNEW HE HATED ME!" I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore before I shot up and grabbed my phone, dialing my agent furiously. Kenna watched me with a worried look on her face the entire time I talked to Max, sighing heavily when I asked her to drop me off at the studio where Gena and I always did our photoshoots. "Ash he didn't mean it, he's just so high strung because of everything...I knew I shouldn't have told you." Kenna was miserable the entire ride to the studio but I just wasn't in the mood...I wasn't mad at her, just her brother who I planned to distance myself from in more ways than one now.

I thanked Kenna for the ride, telling her to head home and that Max would give me a ride back to my apartment when I was done. I held myself together as best as I could as I hugged her goodbye, not knowing when or if I would ever see my best friend again...

TEN HOURS LATER

I was so thoroughly exhausted by this day that as soon as I boarded the plane and sat down I was asleep for the entire flight. My heart ached at the thought of what I was doing but I knew it was the only way to save myself before there was nothing left to save. Johnny was totally understanding about my decision and said he would hold my position and the apartment for me for 6 months should I decide I wanted to return and while I thanked him for that I secretly had no intention of ever returning to Huntington Beach ever again. I made sure to leave Duchess enough food and water till Kenna got my message in the morning, my heart breaking all over again at leaving my cat behind, after all it wasn't her fault that things had ended up this way but where I was going was not pet friendly and I couldn't afford the extra cost of having her fly with me.