Feeling sessions (Destiel)

Five. Black and White

Hiyaaa fellas you doin finnneeee? Sry I'm too tired but here you go...the things I do for my nonexistent readers.
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White.
What I am feeling right now, moreover...Cas...he is not talking to me and it's been a week since we had our 'sessions' and I kinda miss him. Okay...it's a little bit of my fault. Well I remember this happening.
Flashback...
"Cas why do you care so much about our sessions? It's literally two in the morning can you just go to sleep?" I exclaim. Is this man seriously doing this? Waking me up at 2 AM???
Castiel doesn't respond which makes me clench my teeth. Everyone knows I get fussy when anyone wakes me up for ANY reason. Except if it's an emergency which was why I got scared to death when Mr. I don't know came into my room screaming! Ugh.
"Get out Castiel." I simply respond.
Cas opens his mouth but I push him out on purpose. I can't resist his face that's why I have to ignore his...face and focus on my sleep.
But before I can, Cas applies immense force on the door which causes me to stumble a little bit onto the bed.
"You know why I liked these lessons? Huh?" He covers my mouth.
"Because Dean. I never felt in touch with my feelings since I was created. And...you...you, This was your fault for bringing me into this. Dean. Sometimes it's good to think that people get attached to eachother. You know? And the same happened with me getting attached to you!"
He pushes me, but not enough that I could fall down from the force.
"Dean,you were the reason I opened up about my...fears and...depression and I even told you my about my darkest, deepest circumstances and you cannot even make time for me?"
He grabs me by the hem of my shirt.
"Dean Winchester, I have a special place in my heart for you, hell I didn't even thought I would have a heart. Bye Dean."
The door slams behind him.
I suddenly realise. He's going to go back...to heaven.
Flashback ends...
And since then, he never opens his room door again.
Unexpectedly, the door creaks open. "Oh sh*t!" I run over to his room. I burst it open, hell I think I broke the door handle but my problem is Cas right now.
"Cas? Castiel? I need you. I am sorry." I yell out. Nothing even moves at the sound of my voice.
But instead, Sam comes upstairs, "Saw him?" He calls out to me. I shake my head "No! Gosh darn it...this was my fault. Sam, you know how much he felt alive when he was with us? Why?" I hoarsely squeal out. Sam comes closer and pats my back cautiously.
"Hey...calm down, panicking won't help-" "Nothing helps Sammy! Nothing." I snap at him in defeat, suddenly he starts to smile.
I look at him quizzically, "Uh, Sammy? What's wrong..." "Nothing." He interruptes me mid sentence.
Interruption. Reminds me of Cas. Only when he'd interrupt me I would not feel annoyed. Everything in this house reminds me of Cas i...I grab my head in pain. Sam gives me one last look and goes downstairs "I'll make you food, you'll starve if you go on like this."
I nod at him. He gets the memo and closes the door.
This was once an angel's room. Huh...if someone told me that years ago, I would've laughed it off as a joke. But literally an angel lived here. Who kept me safe and...there's no point in praying for him. I scoff at myself. Like I haven't done that...a hundred times.
"I want to kill myself...what's the point in coming back from the dead if it doesn't feel the same?" I mumble to myself. "Oh really?"
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" I snap my head as I turn around.
Castiel.
"Cas..." I smile. He smiles back.
"Glad I made it here in time. Any second late and I'd be hovering over your dead body and reviving you." He smirks shyly.
"Yeah-Wait how did you-Oh...your an angel, I forgot." I laugh, which makes him grin as well.
I sigh "Um Cas...I know it wasn't nice of me-" Cas shushes me "Dean! It's okay, I don't even know what came over me." He scratches his back.
I nod in curtesy.
After a moment of silence, we both burst into laughs as Sam walks in and drops our breakfast. "Holy sh-" "Hello Sam." Cas says in between laughs.
He slowly starts to back away...looking confused as ever.
"Okay then...see you boyfr-I mean pals later!" He struts off. Weird brother I have there.
Finally Cas looks over at me "So? Is it fine if-" "Yes! We will do our session now!" I say after his incomplete sentence. He nods.
"Okay...what is your co-" "White!" He yells. Then covers his face as if to hide his embarrassment. I chuckle at this. Cmon everyone thinks that's cute, am I right?
I cough "So...start in three two and one!"
Cas takes a long breath, "White. White, an inherently positive color, is associated with purity, virginity, innocence, light, goodness, heaven, safety, brilliance, illumination, understanding, cleanliness, faith, beginnings, sterility, spirituality, possibility, humility, sincerity, protection, softness, and perfection. I felt white when we were Uh...distanced Dean." He blushes slightly.
Wait, what?
Nevertheless I try to keep calm so he doesn't panic. He continues on. "Throughout the western countries white is the traditional colour worn by brides, to signify purity, innocence, and virginity. In eastern countries, the color white is the colour of mourning and funerals. In certain cultures, white is the colour of royalty or of religious figures, as angels are typically depicted as wearing white or having a white glow. A white picket fence surrounds a safe and happy home. So it can go either way, pure or destructive." He puts emphasis on the last line.
"White is also considered when 'angels start to fall in love with someone else' which can be debated as to if an angel falls in love with...a human, in that case, an angel is given a black...card." I starts to get shaky explaining the angel system.
I frown "But why?"
"Rather go into that some day else." He clears his throat. I also decide not to push him.
"White is a colour of protection and encouragement, offering a sense of peace and calm, comfort and hope, helping alleviate emotional upsets. It creates a sense of order and efficiency, a great help if you need to declutter your life. This is also why white is a 'wedding' colour. And there's nothing much to add on it. White is pretty self explanatory in terms of love. Pure and innocent." He smiles.
A pause.
Black.
"Wow...um okay. Are you Wikipedia?" I scoff. He raises his eyebrows "Wikipedia?" ....I sigh..."Never mind". That joke was of no use. I rub off the awkwardness.
"Ahem...now, I think we should go for...black." I casually say. But it causes Cas to flinch in an absurd way. I decide to press more "If you don't like-" "No...I was thinking you should go...you never chime in so...I want-want you...to explain the colour and its association...wi-with love." He blurts.
I stare at him observantly, huh...
"Okay." I agree.
God, here we go. I'm not good as Cas or...any person who has at least some IQ.
Ugh.
"O-Okay. Uh. Black, Well err...black is the symbol of...grief? The colour black can be serious and uh professional um...and conventional, but uh...black can also represent the mysterious, and sexy, and sophisticated. Black is a visually slimming colour for clothing and like other dark colours, in interior design, for um, reference black can make a room appear to shrink in size." I start to gain confidence.
But something in Castiel's eye, it looks endangered. I forget it and carry on.
"The colour black affects the mind and body by helping to create an inconspicuous feeling, boosting confidence in appearance, increasing the sense of potential and possibility, or producing feelings of emptiness, gloom, or sadness."
I intentionally stop as I see Cas getting more and more afraid.
"And that's about it?" I say questionably.
Cas suddenly softens his expression and relaxes.
"Uh...Cas?"
"Yes Dean?"
"Are you Okay?"
Suddenly he jolts up from the bed. "Dean...I trust you...so keep this a secret Okay?"
I gulp. "Mhhm."
The heck?
He groans in frustration "Look Dean, I...don't like the colour black." He sighs.
I laugh at his answer "Well then. That's fine."
He snaps at me "No! Dean...Ugh! Look remember I told you about the black card that angels get when they fall in love with humans?"
I nod.
He stutters "We-Well um. I might have gotten the black card."
I stop chewing on my tongue. "What? I thought-" "That we don't fall in love but that is wrong. Dean, I fell in love with a human and they gave me the shame card." He starts to let his tears fall down.
My heart breaks.
I wrap my arms around his whole body and I kiss his cheek. "Woah...hey hey...hey! You're different. Even if you are not like them and...ordinary. You are still the most beautiful person-angel I've met. I hated myself. Then you came and you made it so much better."
He turns to look at me "Dean. I'm still in love."
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Bye readers (no comment on this)