Unlikely

Chapter Three

I woke up with a jolt, panting and sweating. My eyes darted about to make sure nobody was there. Once I had reassured myself that my father had not actually murdered me, I rested my gaze on Felix.
     Felix actually amazed me sometimes. I don't know if it was the grin-smirk-sneer he had almost all of his waking moments, or the way he would cuss and do obscene things just to make me feel a little at home, or the way he pestered me to listen to ABBA (or more specifically Chiquitita), but I found myself liking his company a little more. Not, like, loving it, though. More like a consenting toleration for the annoying, if you will.
I wish we were allowed to exchange information here. It would be very nice to just...talk to somebody who has been through the same things, felt the same feelings, lived through life. But, we had no means of communication here. We had books, maybe the occasional Gameboy, or YouTube (run obviously by the doctors).
YouTube was where Felix bragged about knowing a famous YouTuber personally. Apparently, KickthePJ was know as Peanut Jelly by the Swede (don't ask me why, they're 19 and dumb in my opinion).
There was a new boy who came in yesterday. His name was Ethan. The doctors never gave a reason why they never said his last name, or at least a clear one. "Oh, he's really self-conscious of his name," "Oh, his dad is famous and he doesn't like it when people say it." I just think he's shy. He'll talk; they all do. I didn't talk much at first, but after about two days the doctors convinced me that Felix wasn't going to kill me.
Speaking of doctors, the usual lineup (Sean, Phil, Nurse Howell, etc.) was a little jumbled. We got a new nurse, and he's horrible at his job. I haven't got his name yet, although Swede (Felix) told me his name was Nurse Paul, and his first name was Jake. He told me, "Jake is a dick. Like, I'm not even kidding. He used to bully all of my friends until I bitch slapped him." Anyway, Jake works on the lower floors. I'm told (jokingly) by Nurse Howell that he constantly gets patients the wrong medication, he can't even perform CPR, and he doesn't even know the 'don't be negative' rule, which Mark told me everybody knows. I've never had him, and I hope I never will.
My mom visited last night. Mark told me a few hours previous to try to hold a conversation with her. Well that worked out well, as she was caught with drugs. When interrogated about it, apparently "its for Marzia" isn't a good excuse.
Swede keeps telling me that PJ will visit soon, but he's been saying that for roughly two days now. Felix really hasn't told me much about him. All I've gathered is what he told me on the first day, and that he's been here before.
I know he's been here before because when I asked him about it before, he used everything in the past tense. Like, for example, "Oh! I learned Sean's name from when Mark accidentally popped in and said, 'Sean! The papers are late! Mr. Kjellberg won't get his morphine!' And he looked at me and was like, 'Oh no!' And I was just dying like, 'Don't mind me over here, struggling to breathe.'"
Felix told me that they didn't put him on any morphine when he was here at all. That automatically made me suspicious, but he assured me that he might've said something wrong. Still, I'm distrustful of him a little bit.
I'm still weak, but the doctors say that's normal after an overdose. I can't even remember what I overdosed on. All I remember is white and shouting. The shouting was probably coming from my mom when we were still at her house. I can't remember where the white came from, maybe I died. I hoped I would, and I still hope that I will one day. Everyone seems to think that just because I did it this once, I'm not going to do it again. I don't want to, I need to. I'm really wishing that I don't need to anymore.

Okay so that was different. I tried something new. Let me know how you guys liked it. Again I don't know about Marzia's past, and the next chapter will have more Felix.
1-800-273-8255 American suicide hotline