You're working, I'm sitting in my usual spot, drinking too much coffee that tastes like a burnt fucking tire. You work for the city, I work at The Home Depot. You make exponentially more money than me. When I'm with you, its like you're the only thing I need, but when we're apart, I feel nothing. Sometimes I feel like I'm acting and everything is *this* close to falling apart. You're so beautiful and you think I am, but I'm just trying hard to hold on. Sometimes the most precarious things are the most beautiful. Today is the first day of the rest of our story, written out for all to see. My new pastime. How does this happen? Somehow I keep getting more and more numb by the day. My daddy is almost a year gone. It feels so fresh. I haven't felt anything but pain since he's gone. I begged him not to ride his bike that night. Begged him to take the car instead, but he just wouldn't fucking listen. Now I'm 19, working, paying rent, engaged, wondering what's next? Listening to music about self harm because I quit 6 months ago, and this is as close as I can get. I need a cigarette, but you have asthma and I'm broke. Not to mention I left my ID at home. The room we share. $500 a month to your parents. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just up and left. Would you cry? Of course you would. You cried when you had a dream I cheated on you with the sheriff/huntsman from"once upon a time". But after that I had a dream i cheated on you with my ex. Remember James? It was him. But that wasn't real. It was only a dream. What would happen if I did though? Would you forgive me? Don't worry, I would never do that. My dreams may be unfaithful, but I'm yours down to my core. I love you. I'm not a good girlfriend, but I try. Honestly I'm just a really shitty person. But you make up for that by being a complete angel. Sitting here in my usual spot, drinking coffee that tastes like a fucking burnt tire, I miss you.
