This fake smile fools people because they really don't care. Nobody cares about my feelings. nobody cares about anything really. They're all stuck in their own little world. Their own reality. Nobody sees the girl who wants to die but is too afraid to kill herself. It used to be when I was alone, but it's started to be around you too. You notice the look in my eyes and ask what's wrong. I look up, smile, "its nothing", I say. Nothing but the realisation that everything ends. The worry that we won't have enough money for food. The anxiety over the convention. The props arent ready and I don't know how to fix the problems. Will they break at con? Will we still be able to use them next year? Will you even like the outfit I've been putting together for you? Will you be ok? Are you eating enough? Getting enough sleep? Are you healthy? How do you feel? How are you doing? Is there anything I can do? But you ask me what's wrong and I don't know how to answer. I don't want you to worry. I don't want you to cry. I don't want you to touch me. To tell me you're here for me. But you wouldnt understand that. I love your affection, but its not what I need in this moment. My love, my only. You are my world. I just want you to be happy. I forget to take care of me sometimes
