cold cowgirl emo

chapter nine

(hes in his closet with his bedroom door locked and the lights off.)

{aliceander pov}

   "he hasn't left his room seince we got home." i pass lilith and go up stairs to check on tazzman.

   i knock. "tazz? you in their bud?" i stay their for a few minutes that turns into three hours still with no reply. giving up i leave the hall to go to my own room.

{tazzman pov}

   i hug my legs to my chest letting the tears fall. "chi sono? qualcuno she ha paura di lasciarsi andare, oh. decidi, se mai farai, fammi sapere (si). suicidio, se mai provi a lasciar andare, uh. sono triste e basso, si." i stop singing the song as fresh memories of what happend with lilith poped up.

(who I am? someone who is afraid of letting go, or. decide, if you ever do, let me know (yes). suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad and short, yes)

sto bene

non e colpa mia

nessuno si e fatto male. 

(I'm fine, it's not my fault, nobody got hurt.)

i hear knocking on my bed room door. i grip my legs closer to my chest. "no ones here come back later."

"i-i brought you some food."  my ears perk at that. i didn't eat anything all day and i'm starving. i slowly open my bed room door to see lilith with a bowl of soup and some crackers.

i give a small smile."thanks lil." taking the crackers i go back into my room.

"tazz?"she goes to touch me but stops when i flinch away from her. she sighs and with a determinant look pull's me into her arms for a hug. "look tazz, no one got hurt. you didn't break one of the host's so get out of your self pity and come back out of your shell. if you want we can even get you a punching bag to take your stress and anger out on."i'm hugged like a little kid that recently lost their favorite toy and it was just found again.

"i know lil i just don't think i'm ready yet, my feelings are too raw."i look away unsure of how to proceed.

lil lets go before going to the door. "sooner or later you'll end up hurting those closest to you and not with your hands, with your words." my sister leaves the door clicking closed behind her. i fall back on my bed with a groan. they don't get it, i'm to dangerous to be around normal people. i just cant do it i wasn't cut out for a normal life maybe i can go back to my old one.