I wanted to raise my hand and ask to leave, but I wasn’t able to trust my own voice.
I wanted to ask a lot of things.
I wanted to say a lot of things.
I wanted to scream a lot of things.
But more than anything I wanted him to come back to me.
They say its better to have loved and lost, I wish I’d never loved at all.
I felt like my chest was being pounded by a sledge hammer, my ribs tried to stop the pressure but only cracked and crumbled, the broken pieces stabbing into my heart.
I felt like broken pieces were falling against my lungs, and making it hard to breath, so my every breath came out sharp and short.
This is what heart break feels like.
This is what all the songs are about.
This is what it felt like to look at him.
This is what it felt like every time I saw her, because I knew I could never compare to what she was.
It only got worse when I saw them together.
Everyday I only got worse, my body felt like it was collapsing in on itself, my ribs felt too small for the rest of my body, squeezing against my lungs. My stomach seemed non existent, I couldn’t keep anything down, so I stopped eating.
The chemical formula for love is: C8H11NO2+C10H12N2O+C4H66N12O12S2
Dopamine, Seratonin, Oxytocin.
It can be easily manufactured in a lab, but overdosing on any of them can cause schizophrenia, extreme paranoia, and insanity.
Maybe that is what I am. Insane.
Insane for believing, believing in something I could never have.
