I never realised how important it is to feel.
Years ago I used to wish that I wouldn’t feel anything.
That all my problems could be washed away, that I would be cool, calm, nothing could get to me.
Now I wish I could feel something.
Feel happy, feel sad, feel love, feel pain.
Feel something.
My therapist asked me to describe my feelings in a colour.
She gave me a wheel of colours all with a label on the side.
Yellow for happy.
Blue for sad.
Red for angry.
Pink for in love.
I told her I felt black.
She didn’t accept the answer because that wasn’t on the chart.
But thats what I was.
Black was the shade of an empty hole that was never filled.
An endless night sky that seemed to flow forever, never ending.
Black was everything, but somehow, nothing.
I felt empty.
I felt it was never-ending.
I felt nothing.
