is this a dream? (fifth harmony)

thirteen | talking through the stars

VICTORIA'S POV:

2:45am my phone read. "Ugh fuck" I groaned while turning over. I looked down at my new cuts that have been there for about an hour.

"Why the hell can't I fall asleep?" I said to no-one in particular. I decided to just get up and I don't know wander around the bus. There's not much to do when everyone's asleep.

I ever so slightly opened my buck curtain just to make sure I didn't wake anyone up, I stuck my head out to double check no-one was there. But me being the clutz I am, fell out of my damn bunk. I wasn't as loud as I though I was going to be, but it was loud. No-one woke up though, one point to Victoria!

I tip-toed past the bunks, past the front lounge and before I knew it I was climbing onto the sun roof. I slowly unlocked and opened it and jumped as high as I could, then used all my strength and pulled myself up. The sky was beautiful, there were so many stars out, big and small. It was a little under a half moon tonight, but it was still beautiful.

While thinking about beautiful things Dinah came to mind. I stared whispering aloud to myself to really comprehend what I was saying.

"Do I like Dinah? Like not in the way friends should?" I ran a hand through my long brown hair.

"I can't be liking her" I said to myself.

"I'm not good enough for her." All these thoughts ran through my head, I couldn't get Dinah out of my mind, it's like she was stuck there.

After thinking about Dinah for an awfully long time, my parents came to mind. God I miss them so much. I wish they could be here with my now. Yeah I love Lauren and the girls, but I want to know my family, I want to meet them. I started thinking about what Lauren said to me the first day we met.

"Our mums are sisters"

Believe it or not, I still think about what she did to me. 'Are' such a strong word for a deceased person. Was it a slip up? It had to be, there is no way that my parents are alive. That is not possible. I was told by the police that their bodies where found and they were no longer alive. I just want to know the truth. I need to know. It's been too long.

So I decided to talk to my parents, obviously not face-to-face but through the stars. I lied down on the bus roof and stargazed, while talking to my parents. I swear I saw the starts twinkle when I mentioned their names. I hope they heard everything I said because I mean everything I said that night.

-----

Sneaking out in the middle of the night had become a regular thing for me now. Tonight I think is my fifth night sneaking up here. And because we are currently in Brisbane, I get a cool breeze while it is stills a little warm.

My feelings for Dinah still haven't gone away, and I don't know how to control it. And because I'm still so fucking insecure, I still cut, starve myself and cry myself to sleep.

The girls have been super busy lately. I haven't had a full conversation with any of them for 2 days. Because their either doing something super important then they go straight to sleep, or they totally forget I'm there. So I just sit in my bunk by myself.

So here I am at 1:24am laying in the roof of the bus, thinking about everything going on in my life. I feel like I'm getting in the way of the girls. The fans don't even know who I am yet. There's been photos of me floating all over the internet with the girls, according to the media I'm the "Beautiful Mystery Girl." I wouldn't mind keeping that name, but the girls want to tell the fans soon. Fingers crossed they like me.

I'm writing in my journal about what I think about dreams, I've been having dreams with my parents in them but they don't talk to me. They either smile, or just walk past me like I'm not there. I've called out their names, but they never turn their heads to look at me. They act like they haven't heard me. So I wrote in my journal.

'you know, the good thing about dreams are, it's always fantastic, but never real.'

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