textbooks // newtmas au

Shattered

    The first thing that Newt did when he got back to the dorm was grab the letter off his cork board. He held it close to his chest as he started crying silently. Minho stayed in his car. He expressed that he wanted to be alone, but couldn't face going back to the empty dorm.
    Newt clutched the paper as tight as he could without wrinkling it. It was the last thing he had left. Then, Newt got angry. He couldn't even decide who he was angry at, the world probably. He put the letter out of harm's way before grabbing anything he could reach and throwing it. Posters on his side of the room were torn up, pillows whipped against the other wall and textbooks were thrown onto the ground. Looking at the mess he sunk down to the floor and sobbed into his knee caps.
    Everything hurt so bad and Newt wanted it to stop.
    Suddenly the dorm door swung open and the person standing there froze. "Newt?"
    Newt looked up at Gally. "I'm sorry," he managed to say as he wiped his eyes roughly.
    "Newt, what the hell happened?" Gally dropped to his knees next to the boy.
    Newt made a noise and bunched up his fists as a fresh wave of tears got past his eyelids. It was like every time he stopped crying his body begged him to start again.
    "What happened?" Gally asked softly, worry lacing his voice.
    "Ther-there was an accident and Tommy, he-he's.." Newt wiped at the hot tears that streamed down his face. He couldn't say it. It was too soon, he wouldn't let himself say it.
    "Are you serious? Is he okay?" Gally instantly felt bad. He was never the nicest to Thomas, but he didn't want anything bad to happen to him. He never hated him, he was just jealous.
    Newt shook his head, that much he could do.
    "Newt, I'm so sorry. Do you need anything?" Gally was in pure shock.
    "I loved him, I loved him so much and now my heart feels like it's been ripped out. I don't think I want to talk," Newt said as he slowly stood up.
    He grabbed the letter again and sat on his bed, his back against the wall. He lightly tore at the envelope and pulled out the lined paper, he smiled at Thomas' messy handwriting and started reading.

    Dear my perfect little kitten Newt,

    I made you wait for this letter and it isn't all that great but I was honestly a little scared for you to read it. By now we have been dating for half a year, six whole months you let me love you! That's the best gift you ever could have given me. You also put up with me for six months, which deserves an award of its own.
    I could write a book about the things I love about you but I'll shorten it to one word, everything. Of course I think you're the hottest human I've ever laid eyes on...well except maybe myself (KIDDING)...I also love who you are inside, that's why I fell so hard for you. Don't ever tell Minho I'm being this cheesy, I'll never hear the end of it. But seriously Newt, I'm head over heels in love with you, have been since the minute your little blonde head fell asleep on my shoulder. Did I ever tell you how cute that was? It was adorable.
    You know, I try and spend every second with you because when I'm with you everything just feels better, I don't know. I really hope I can spend the rest of my life with you, past relationships I've had never meant to me as much as you do. Your parents are the first ones I've met. Speaking of parents.. my mom texts me daily, asking when you're coming back. She adores you. I should probably stop rambling now...you get the point. I meant what I said at your house though, I guess that's the point of this letter. I want to be the last guy you take home. This isn't a marriage proposal but more of a promise, a promise that I'm always gonna be here no matter what.
Okay now this is too serious and I'm getting emotional so I love you Newt, even though you won't tell me your real name.
    Happy six months you sexy dork <3
    (PS this is also good for one anniversary fuck)
    -Your Tommy

    Newt read over the letter five times, it made him smile yet cry harder at the same time.
    "I'm gonna go see Minho. I think I need to be with him right now," Newt said softly.
    "Do what you need to do."
    Newt gave him a small smile before disappearing out the door.

    Newt's hand grasped onto Minho's black button down as he stood in the corner of the wake room.
    "I hate this," Newt whispered. "I can't do it."
    "You can do it, we're gonna do it together," Minho said gently to the small boy.
    Thomas' mom approached the two boys soon after and opened her arms to Newt. His bottom lip quivered but he embraced the hug.
    "He loved you so much you know, he'd call me just to tell me how cute you were, or what you two did that day," she whispered as she held him tightly.
    "I loved him too, so much. He was my everything." Newt's voice cracked as he pulled back and wiped his eyes.
    "He would've married ya you know." Years glistened her eyes.
    Newt closed his eyes as tears ran down his own cheeks. "He was it for me."
    "If you need anything just text me, call me, come over, whatever. I'm here for you Newt." She patted his shoulder and kissed his cheek gently.
    "Actually there is one thing...can I uh possibly..." Newt took a deep breath. "He has a lot of hoodies in his dorm, could I keep a few of them?"
    "Of course you can."
    "I'm sorry I didn't do more," Newt said quietly.
    "Don't do that to yourself. This wasn't at all your fault." She grasped his shoulders and looked stern through her tear stained face. "Newt, you made him so happy."
    Newt nodded and muttered a soft thank you before going back to squeezing Minho's arm.
    "I kinda wish his body was here," Newt admitted softly. Thomas' family decided they wanted to donate Thomas' organs, to give other people chances.
    "Just think that he's helping people right now." Minho patted Newt's shoulder.
    "I just can't believe he's gone."

    Thomas' story was all over the news. They set up a memorial near the track and the whole college going to have a service on Friday.
    Newt was asked to speak.
    He agreed, but only if he could have Minho up there with him. Of course the college agreed.
    Newt was holding Minho's arm again as they stood off to the side of the podium Newt would have to go up to soon.
    "Relax buddy." Minho gave him a small smile.
    "I don't want to cry in front of the whole college campus." Newt admitted as he squeezed his arm harder.
    "I'll be right here."
    "I couldn't have done any of this without you," Newt admitted as he looked at the memorial, it was beautiful. There was a stone, dedicated to Thomas, with pictures, candles and flowers around it. A lot of people left stuff, it made Newt's heart warm.
    Soon enough the speakers welcomed the huge crowd of people consisting of students from Thomas' classes, the track team, teachers, Newt's mom, and his parents. 
    Newt took a deep breath. "Minho, I have to do this by myself, I can't explain it but I just really need too."
    "If you need me I'm here." Minho clasped his shoulder with understanding written across his face.
    Newt waited for his cue and slowly walked up to the podium, trying not to show his limp. In his hand was the note Thomas wrote, he carried it on him at all times.
    "Um hey everyone," Newt started, his face flushing. "For those of you who don't know, my name is Newt. I am...well was I guess...Tomm...Thomas' boyfriend." Newt paused for a second before continuing, collecting himself.
    "I'm pretty sure that half of you expect me to stand up here and talk about memories of him or some shit like that and the other half of you expect me to say some mushy romantic speech. I happen to have neither of those thing's planned, I'm just winging it up here." Newt paused as a few people laughed, that gave him some confidence.
    "I can't even begin to explain Thomas, he was smart, motivated, dedicated, sweet and extremely annoying at times but I loved him with everything I had. He was a lot of things that you really had to get to know him to find out, like how he never left without his keys or how he always chewed on his lip to hold back laughing in class or how he loved singing One Direction in the car. He's probably kill me if he knew I said that." Newt lightly laughed and wiped the wetness starting to build up in his eyes. "Thomas was a kid you would definitely want as a friend, or well in my case a boyfriend, but that's besides the point. He always looked out for other people, if someone was hurt he wanted to change that. My words can't even begin to do him justice. I can't say he was perfect because no one is but he was pretty damn close to that. Did he deserve what he got? Of course he didn't but bad things always seem to happen to the best people.
    "I feel like there is a dull knife in my heart, I miss him every second of every day and I honestly don't know how I'm going to go on without him, but bad things happen. They happen a lot and too often but you just gotta pick up the pieces and start putting it back together."
    Newt paused and smiled at Minho who gave him an encouraging thumbs up.
    "We all just need someone to lean on."