It's been a while since we've last spoken. It seems to me that the last thing you said to me was, "we need to stop." even so, I know that that was NOT our last exchange. Only our last significant one.
You've known me since I was five, and somewhere along the line, some wires in your brain short circuited and you thought it a wise idea to get involved romantically with me. We were young, and obviously we both made the wrong choice involving those events.
Love, I just want you to know that it took me a while- much like with other events in my life- to fully grasp what your leaving me felt like. In fact, it took three years of constant recollection and reflection to realize that what we did, and more importantly, what you did, hurt. But after coming to terms with it, and working through it, I now feel fine. I look at it as though it were any other summer fling- we were just kids after all. I really hope you see it that way too, and don't feel wronged or guilty about anything. If that's not the case for you, I'm sorry. Sorry to have hurt you, or if I made you feel like a villain somehow. You're not.
The fact of the matter is that I still care about you, and I hope you do for me. It hurts me when I hear about you from my mom or your sister, and they're telling all the ways in which you've messed up. It hurts to hear about your muddled life.
Love, your name feels foreign on my mouth now, it almost seems scandalous to say it. I wish... We could talk. I wish my throat didn't close up the last time I saw you. I wish we hadn't been so stiff, distant, and I don't know, afraid?
I miss you. I'm not asking to get back together because that's ancient history and bound to end in disaster. I just want to get to know the new you. I'm tired of random second-hand information. I want you. I want to see you, hear you, and see that you're fine. It's been years, and still I find myself worrying over you.
I've known you since you were eight, and I just pray to no one(because if you've heard anything about me, you know I reject religion and the existence of God) that you're fine. That your vices don't run your life, and that you don't let anything from your past dictate your future. I know that's cheesy and fake, but if it were to sound honest coming from anyone's mouth... Uh hand... It'd be mine.
I constantly dwell on the past, and more often than not, find that is has warped my vision for the future- my future and self perception- and not in a positive way.
Live on my friend, don't be a stranger next time... It hurts.
Sincerely, Jay
