Look into my Soul
I was re-watching Season One of The Vampire Diaries, and after watching episode 7 where Damon erases Jeremy’s memories after Vicki has been staked, I have been thinking about what exactly would have occurred between Damon and Jeremy. What would we have seen occur between the two of them if there had been a scene shown?
This little one shot is basically what I pictured to have happened, all from Damon’s POV.
As I entered through the doorway of Elena’s younger brother’s room, I discovered him curled up on his bed. I could hear the way his heart beat furiously as if it was ready to explode, and the scent of stale salt water that poured from his eyes was uncomfortable. As he clutched his blue pillow tightly against his chest, burying his face into the soft material as a form of comfort, my heart wrenched slightly.
I had never cared much for the younger Gilbert, but something about the way he was lying there, looking vulnerable and engulfed in gut-wrenching pain reminded me of myself just after I had turned, when I thought Katherine had perished in that church.
I cleared my throat, announcing my presence as I was unable to think of something to say. Unusual for me, as a sarcastic comment always felt appropriate, but there was something different in this situation. Common ground, perhaps? He ever so slightly attempted to lift his face from the pillow to glance at me through tear filled eyes.
“Do you understand what happened tonight?” I asked, crossing my arms and resting against the doorway.
“I can’t explain it. Vicki’s face…then Stefan…” he trailed off.
“All I know for sure, is that I watched Vicki die.” He managed to splutter out in between trying to choke back sobs and catch his breath.
“You know, it probably wouldn’t have lasted with you both anyway. I’m sure you can find yourself a cute little cheerleader to have some fun with.”
“How can you say that? How can you be so cold? I love Vicki… I loved her. It was real, we would have spent the rest of our lives together…”
I watched as Jeremy erupted into another uncontrollable fit of sobbing loudly. I almost felt guilty for being so harsh.
“Don’t be so deluded. You know, you actually remind me of my old self, of course a less attractive, less witty version however you are just as foolish as I were. I was in love once, it was a while ago but sometimes it only seems like yesterday.”
Slightly intrigued, Jeremy’s sobbing quietened as he turned to face me.
“Her name was Katherine. She was… the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her perfect almond shaped eyes, soft lips and devilish smile tugged on my heart strings. This girl loved to be chased, and I loved to chase her. Every time I seen her face, I just knew that she was the girl that I had to be with. As cliché as this may sound, I needed her to complete me.”
I glanced at Jeremy, trying to gauge his reaction to my decision to actually share something about myself. He swollen eyes were peering at me intently, hinting at me to continue on with the story.
“But Katherine had another side to her. She was manipulative and liked to play games. In all honesty, she was evil. Katherine used both my brother and I, and she knew exactly how to play us. It was like the three of us were all stuck in some sick, twisted game, but the strange thing is, I enjoyed every moment of it.”
“However, like you, I was foolish and deluded. I loved Katherine unconditionally, and would have given her the world if I could have. I had the same thoughts you had about Vicki; you would be together forever and have the white picket fence, yada yada yada. But the truth is, it doesn’t matter how real it appears, nothing lasts forever. Especially when you fall for a manipulative bitch whose favourite hobby is playing mind games.”
“My brother thinks I blame him for what happened to Katherine and what happened to us, and over the years, I’ve let him believe it but the truth is, it was never his fault, it was hers.”
“You know, even after telling you all of this, I know deep down that I still love Katherine, and I miss her more and more each day. She was my first love, and that’s hard to let go of.” I sighed, a large crease formed between my brows.
“None of this matters though, she’s gone.” I leaned away from the doorway and pulled the sides of my leather jacket together, forcing them to meet in the middle of my chest.
“Back to my original point, little Gilbert. Love is pointless and nothing lasts forever.”
Jeremy sat up on his bed, still clutching his pillow like a scared little school girl. Tears still spilled from his eyes and rolled down his cheeks but his breathing had begun to return to normal.
“Why are you telling me all this, Damon?” he whimpered.
I stood there for a moment, eyes squinted as I tried to answer his question.
“Because I’m about to prove that nothing lasts forever. I’m going to give you the luxury I never had; I’m going to take away your pain, Jeremy. I also think that I had to admit all of that to someone. And, well, you’re the perfect person to admit it to… since you’re not going to remember any of this.”
Behind the flood of tears, his face screwed up.
“I don’t under-“
Before Jeremy could finish his sentence, I swiftly moved towards and placed my hand on the back of his neck. I locked my eyes with his, ready to compel him.
“You won’t remember what I told you tonight, you won’t remember me coming here and you won’t remember what happened to Vicki. You won’t feel any more pain or suffering. Now, Vicki left town. You’re going to miss her but you know it’s for the best.”
Jeremy muttered incoherently, repeating fragments of what I had just told him to remember.
I dashed out of the room and down the stairs, leaving the Gilbert house before Jeremy had realised I was there. I lay down on their front lawn and peered up at the stars. Taking a deep breath, I began to analyse what I had just told Jeremy about Katherine.
Opening up to Jeremy tonight had made me realise that I was in fact, still in love Katerina Petrova. I knew how she manipulated my brother & I, and turned us into these monsters; but for same reason that I could not comprehend, I still loved her.
My heart wrenched as I thought about her. Her beautiful smile, her soft lips, her intoxicating scent…
Nothing lasts forever, but maybe this time, there could be an exception. Maybe Katherine and I could be the exception. We could be the exception.
All of a sudden, I snapped up from the Gilbert’s front lawn.
I needed her.
And I was going to bring her back…
What did you think? Please review if you have the time, constructive criticism is always welcomed.
