She placed her trolley bag in the corner and slumped to the nearest chair. Napagod sya sa byahe. She closed her eyes for a bit and unknowingly dozed off. Bigla naman syang nagising nang marinig ang pagtunog ng cellphone.
Jules, welcome baaaackkk! I miss you so much.
Napangiti sya nang marinig ang boses. It was Maqui.
Hehe. Thanks. At nabingi naman ako sa lakas ng boses mo. Hehehe
Tseh. Porke't di kita nasundo sa airport aawayin mo na ako kaagad. Kunwaring pagtatampo ng kaibigan.
Hahaha. Ikaw naman, Maq. Nilalambing lang kita. Miss na rin kita eh.
Sige nga, i-prove mo yan. Anong pasalubong mo sa akin? Paniningil nito. Ilang beses na rin syang kinukulit nito tungkol sa pasalubong kahit noong nasa Mindanao pa sya.
Durian.
Ewwww. Ayoko nyan. You know that I don't eat durian, right? Nang-iinis lang ha, Jules? Ganun ba?
Hehehe. Joke lang. Halika. Punta ka dito. Naghihintay sayo ang pasalubong mo. Daliiiii.
......
She was smiling as she unpacked her clothes. Mahaba-haba rin ang usapan nila ni Maqui over the phone at ang daming naikwento nito sa kanya. Habang kausap nya ang kaibigan ay tila gumaan ulit ang bigat na nararamdaman nya. She had been away from Manila for almost three months. After the episode with Elmo, pinili nyang umuwi muna sa daddy nya sa Mindanao and somehow, she got used to having her dad around.
Habang nasa eroplano sya, ang bigat ng pakiramdam nya dahil nami-miss na nya kaagad ang ama. Nagpakawala sya ng buntong-hininga as she remembered how supportive he had been during her heartbreak. Pakiramdam nya, dahil sa nangyari sa kanya, her relationship with her dad had grown even stronger.
She had spent days and nights crying alone...and sometimes with her dad around. Kaya laking pasasalamat nya na naiintindihan nito ang pinagdadaanan nyang sakit.
There were times when she thought she'd go crazy and right now, she still can't believe that she was over and done with the lowest phase ever of her adult life. Akala nya kasi dati na di nya kakayanin ang lungkot and even feared that her grief would last forever. She had thought that the sad days would drag on too slowly but as opposed to her fear, they didn't. Somehow, sadness had given her a different sense of the passage of time and days slipped by unnoticed kaya laking pasasalamat nya na kinaya nya rin ang pagsubok kahit papano.
She smiled as she looked around her house. She ran her hand over the bookshelf and was pleased to see that it hadn't gathered any dusts. Tinupad nga ni Maqui ang promise nito sa kanya na dadalawin nito ang bahay nya at maglilinis. Akala nya kasi nagbibiro lang ito but looking at her house right now, it seemed as though she never left.
Di nya namalayang natapos na rin pala nya ang ginagawa. She looked at the clock and smiled. It was just the perfect time to have a cup of coffee and she knew where she should be going.
.....
It was three months of hell for Elmo and the irony is that he knew beforehand that he was going to go through it. He knew that he was to blame for the hell he was in. But it was a choice that he made for himself.
He had hoped that things would turn for the better, that he would get used to Julie's absence. All hopes were broken. Everyday was a walk over a fiery coal that he had lit up for himself. There was never a day that he hadn't thought about her. Halos lahat ng bagay na nakikita ay tila naiuugnay nya sa dalaga.
He'd go to this restaurant and feel his heart skip tuwing nakakakita ng babae na may suot na kulay orange na damit, o tuwing nakakakita sya ng babaeng pareho ang hairstyle nung kay Julie. He would close his eyes and breath in and imagine the smell of her hair, her skin. He would look around the busy street whenever he heard a woman laughing. It almost drove him mad.
This day was not an exception. He thought he saw her. A lady had passed by the restaurant where he was having lunch na inakala nyang si Julie. Hinabol nya ito at napahiya nang makitang nagkamali lang pala sya. There had also been too many situations where he'd get lost in his thoughts of her na kailangan pa syang tapikin ng kausap para 'magising' ulit. He was a total piece of wreck.
The volunteer project had been successful and he was fulfilled and proud that he had been a part of it. Nakita nya kasi ang tuwa sa mukha ng mga pamilyang titira sa mga bahay na naipatatayo nila. But something's missing. He knew that Julie would have been very happy to see the happy faces that he saw. He also knew that he would have been happier to share the wonderful moment with her. Alam kasi nyang likas sa dalaga ang pagiging matulungin and her absence somehow made the project's completion bittersweet, especially for him.
He had talked to people he trusts, tulad na lang nina Rocco at Kuya Ben, and he sensed na hindi sang-ayon ang mga ito sa ginawa nya which made him feel even more guilty and sad. Ilang beses nyang sinubukang tawagan ang dalaga but just when he was about to push the call button, he'd surrender to his fears again and retreat into the world that he tried to create for himself-a world without her. And now, as he pondered things over, thinking about the pros and cons, all he wanted to do was pummel himself for being so stupid.
Once again, grief began to take over, seemingly enveloping him in a heavy, dark cloud of despair...making him suddenly uncomfortable that he had to gasp for breath. He stood up and went outside to get some fresh air.
This is you, Elmo...a man who's miserable by choice.
He took a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it. He needed to relax. He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath...remembering her face, her smile...the eyes that drowned him into a newfound well of innocence...the soft pillow of her lips that had touched not only his own but also the core of his very heart...the laughter that kept ringing in his ears, the giggles that always made him smile...the stories that made him listen for hours...her everything...her whole being...
Julie...
Tears began to form in his eyes as the unforgiving beautiful memories of her began to punish him once again...making him feel as though he were the saddest, most miserable man alive. He was in pain...hurting down to the very core of his soul and right now he doesn't know which is hurting him more-the thought that he had really lost her or the fact that he almost had her.
He wiped his tears and stared at the still untouched cigarette in between his fingers, slowly eaten by its embers and shook his head as he remembered how Julie had suffered from its smoke. He hurriedly went to the ashbin and without any hesitation, threw it away. He stared at it again as its embers slowly died at pagkatapos ay kumawala ng isang buntong-hininga.
I wanna come home...to you, Julie.
