In The Midst Of Darkness (On hold)

White (Draft-2)

|U N E D I T E D|

There are three hundred and sixty seven tiles on the walls of my en-suite. It takes me fifteen steps to go from my bedroom to the front door. Funny, how I never noticed these things before.

Perhaps when someone spends too much time holed up with only their thoughts for company, they begin to notice such futile things that had never seemed to matter before. I had nothing to do. Nothing to kill my time with.

My self-imposed exile had left me bereft and isolated from the rest of the world.

I was certain my friends had called me a million times in the span of the week that I had gone missing from their lives. But my phone was dead and a permanent fixture locked away anyone who had come to see me.

I don't think I can bear to be with people. My thoughts are scattered and my solace lies in these moments where I can vent them out through my fingers. With each word seeping from within me and imprinting on the screen, I feel much better. As though I can finally breath after being subjected to asphyxia.

The black had faded soon enough. And there it lay— beneath all the darkness blanketing it: white. Blinding white with not a speck of color to accompany it.

I feel empty, as though the life has been sucked right out of me. There's no one here because I want to be alone. Sometimes I wonder if it is a good thing to be left alone for so long. I wonder if I'll go insane if I stay locked in here for months. Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know.

I've never felt this blank.

I don't want to go outside because I know that the world hasn't stopped revolving, time hasn't stopped to let me grieve. Lives go on and mine is just as ordinary as the next person's.

I don't want to see how people didn't feel what I felt. I don't want to see that people are living their lives with laughter whilst I try to let go of a memory that has grasped onto me with a vice-like grip. I want to move forward and break free.

But I can't because I'm suspended in a blankness that I've never seen before.

My world has spun around it's axis and gone still. My thoughts locked in that moment and my body a reminder of their sins.

There's nothing before me but an expanse of blankness and I'm afraid to find out what color I'll feel next.

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Her phone began ringing the moment it switched on. 'Wings' by Little Mix started playing and the music resounded across her empty apartment.

Gwyneth glanced at her iPhone for a moment before turning back to stare at the TV.

But a moment after it silenced, it started ringing again. She knew who was calling. She'd set the caller tune for her mother. But she couldn't fathom how she would talk to her mother after what had happened.

Gwyneth knew that her parents were probably worried, not hearing from her for days. And her mother's mild anxiety disorder had her panicked if she didn't call at least once a day. She was surprised her mother hadn't boarded the first flight and barged in through her door yet.