Three weeks | Jeon Jungkook |

Day twelve

The song of the humming birds wake me up. I slowly open my eyes, looking directly at the ceiling. God I hate mornings. I take my phone from the night stand, looking at the time. 12:11 PM. Acceptable.

As I slowly get up I remember what happened yesterday. Because of that God damn fortune teller I couldn't sleep all night. I really stayed and meditate about what she said. I really don't want to interfere with Jungkook in that way. We are so called friends. We weren't even friends at first. Just two strangers that met in very weird circumstances. I tried to ignore the ladys  words all night but they were just haunting me.

When I realise it's time for brunch, even if that time passed a while ago, I get up from the warm bed and walk to the kitchen. Already from my bedroom I could see Alvin waiting for his treat. As I walk, being inattentive, I stomp my left pinky in the corner of the couch. God damn it. I just stop, taking in a huge breath. I should wear my glasses more.

I start to look for them and after seconds of searching I find them next to the TV. I put them on, everything  getting so much clearer. I really forgot about these.

After the pain in my pinky calms down, I walk to the fridge, opening it. I get out of it two eggs, some cheese, bacon and some slices of cucumber for Alvin which I throw them right next to him, closing the fridge after. I turn on the stove and in a little pan I mix the ingredients. I'm starving. The meal gets ready in just a minute, leaving me breathless.

I throw everything into a clean plate and start eating. Yesterday was okay if I can call it like that. After the fortune teller and the carousel we went to get some cupcakes and some smoothies. We talked and laughed a lot, like there was no barrier between us, like I imagined it. I thought that maybe between us was some kind of wall and that maybe he has some limits when it comes to me. But after tomorrow I realized it's nothing like that. Between us it's not an usual friendship. It's something very weird. An agreement. We are hanging out for the sake of a night stand. Almost two weeks ago this sounded good, but now it disgusts me. I am, in a way or another, ashamed of myself.

I let the fork in the rest of the meal, placing my elbows on the table and letting my head to fall in my sweaty hands. God. I am so disgusting. Do I really have no shame? This God damn minor made me realize that I really had none. Now I start to think how I made those boys feel. Especially Namjoon. He was the worst of them all and I criticised him for just being inexperienced. Now I just want to go at every boy I ever had a night stand with and apologize. But that will take an eternity. God... Did I really turn into a whore? Before I met Jungkook I had night stands just couple of days apart. I had to take a break to realize what I've become.

No. I really don't need to think about this. I don't want to. This will just make me feel even worst. I get my head up from my hands, looking straight outside the window. The sun shines powerfully enough for this hour. I just want to go outside. But not alone. I will feel like a piece of nothing if I go alone.

I get up from the chair, going back to my room where my phone stands in the undone bed. I throw myself after it, falling on the bed, making the sheets to uncover the mattress. I open it, searching trough the agenda for Sieras name. When I find it I press it, making the screen of the phone to show a picture of the both of us eating some hotdogs. I laugh when that memory flies back trough my mind. It was one of the best days with her. We were at an famous Arcade where we spend all our money to play some games so we could obtain some tickets and with all of them we could just buy 2 hotdogs. It was awesome.

No answer. I look confused at the screen of the phone as it sends me back to the agenda. I laugh shorty when I remember that she is maybe at some kind of practice. That girl is crazy. She practices football, handball, chess and tennis. I can't even walk one minute without getting tired and she practices so many sports, even if chess is a sport 'of the mind'.