Burning Out

I'm Through

April 18, 2018

So I tried to tell my mum that I wanted to talk to her about my problems and then she took an hour to get to where i was meeting her (it was a 2 minute walk from her house) and she told me that she was waiting on me at my house, thinking I was there. I had previously told her I just wanted her to come and wanted no one else and she showed up (after an hour of me waiting) with my brother and I didn't want him to see me in such a vulnerable state so I got mad at my mum and she started crying and shit - acting like she was targeted. Now, I've had a lot happening around me and to me as of late and all I wanted to tell my mum was that my depression got bad again and "I just want to die". There are so many things that I want to tell someone but when I try, they always seem to mess it up and it just doesn't feel right to say it anymore or they are too hard to get alone so they aren't approachable about such things... And it's really hard to bottle this shit up anymore but I can't just tell other people because there are multiple stories to tell and they're just so long to explain. I feel like people aren't interested in what I have to say. I'm suffering a lot at this moment in time and no one seems to care. It's like they're all saying "I'm here for you, come to me anytime you want" but they aren't there for me and they aren't really concerned at all, they just want to look good / react the way they should.

Everything is so hard for me right now and I'm through with people and how they feel oh-so righteous about the childish tendencies they have. I'm through with the environment and atmosphere of my home. I'm through with the pestering thoughts of myself and how I act. I'm through with peoples selfish and unnecessary opinions. I'm through with the actions and personalities of majority of the human race. im through with the selfish beings that roam the unsuspecting planet. I'm through. I'm just through. I'm just through with the very definition of my life.

>I was there when she died.

>I moved and touched her dead body after she died, twice... it's rather traumatic to see a person like that.

>I feel like I don't feel as bad as I should about her death and/or the fact that I moved her around like it was nothing - pure disrespect and carelessness.

>I have no friends anymore.

>I hate my brother and I know I shouldn't but he's just a cunt and I can't help it - I genuinely hate his guts, can't stand him.