General Hux x Reader One-Shots

Either Way, I Harm Her

Summary: Hux struggles bonding with his newborn daughter. 

---- 

"Just hold her," You clutched your new newborn daughter in your arms, pulling her close to your chest to keep her warm. "Please, Armitage."

He stood, stoic in the doorway, admiring you with his daughter. Armitage looked to the side, contemplating the consequences of touching something so fragile. It had been three days since your birth and he'd not so much as touched Armel.

"You won't hurt her," You stood slowly, rocking Armel in your arms, keeping her asleep in her warm blanket. She rubbed her tiny balled fist against her eyes, made a string of incomprehensible sounds, and fell back into her nap. "I promise."

Armel slept soundly as you walked towards your husband. Striking tufts of red hair popped from her head and vibrant blue eyes shone while she was awake. You wanted him to see her and understand.

The nursery was oversized, just as Armitage requested. Every corner dulled, each surface soft; childproofed to the extreme. He'd read hundreds of hours of parenting theory and child psychology, but when the moment came to hold his own daughter, he cracked. Somehow having a real human life in his hands did not translate from his hours of research.

You held Armel between the two of you. Her hand fell from the blanket, landing on Armitage's uniform. She clutched tight, causing a crease in the material.

"She'll touch you," You smiled sadly, admiring the small fingers crumpling his uniform. "She's not afraid of you."

"I would think not," Armitage ran a hand through your hair, tugging at the tangled ends. Neither of you had slept in days and you were showing physical signs of it. Though the phenomenon wasn't foreign to him, it was a new sensation for yourself. Your hair had remained unbrushed, face unwashed, and stomach unsatiated. "She is our child. Fear is not in her DNA."

"Then hold her," You whispered, leaning your head into his touch. "Don't be afraid."

"I am not afraid," Armitage dragged the pad of his index finger over Armel's hand on him. Her grasp fell from his attire and landed on his finger, only covered a quarter of it. "I am unsure I would not harm her."

"Look how you touch her now," You looked from Armel's hold on his hand to the gentleness and insecurity shining on his face. "You would never harm her."

"My father-"

"Is not you," You reassured him, finishing his sentence before he concluded something self-destructive. This exact situation had happened a dozen times since Armel was born, never ending positively if you let him continue down this line of conversation.

"The things he did to me," Armitage leaned his forehead against yours, whispering in low tones over his sleeping daughter. "I do not want to do them to her."

"You won't."

"I could," Armitage grabbed your neck with his free hand, pulling you into a kiss. "If I ever did a fraction of what he did to me, to her, I would be unable to live with myself."

"Never touching her isn't the answer," You pleaded, tears cascading down your cheeks, landing on Armel's soft blanket. The wetness expanded when it hit the fabric. Sleep deprivation and the extreme emotional turmoil of the past week were starting taking a toll and your emotional control waned with each passing hour. "She needs her father. I need her father."

Armitage looked down at Armel, her hand still corralling his finger. Drool slipped down the side of her face and he carefully wiped it away. She cooed and he ripped his hand away from her face.

"It's fine," You stood on your toes to kiss him gently, soothingly. He relaxed into it, dropping his shoulders and loosening his back. "She liked your touch. That's why she's speaking to you."

"I understand the theory behind this," Hux motioned towards Armel. "But if I never touch her, I can never harm her."

"That isn't completely true," You ran the back of your hand over his cheek. "You may not harm her physically if you never touch her. But if you do that, you can harm her mind and heart and soul."

"Either way, I harm her," Armitage stepped away, carefully pulling his finger from Armel's grasp. She whined, reaching out in empty air for her father.

He stepped back, never taking his eyes off his daughter.

"Will you listen to me?" You snapped. "I know you won't hurt her. If you don't know it, I know it for you."

Hux looked up from your sharp tone. "I am not ready to hold her."

Armel fussed in your arms, thrashing her legs and reaching out. Her wrapped blankets came free, exposing her to the cold of the room. They hung and you motioned for Armitage to fix them.

He shook his head and left without another word.

You fumbled with the blankets, getting them back in place.

"It's okay, love," You rocked her back and forth, mesmerized by the eyes you loved so much. "He just has to run away the pain first."

—

The sound monitor buzzed. You dropped your work and hurried to the nursery to sooth Armel back to sleep. Just like her haggard parents, she hadn't been sleeping well.

Stepping into the doorway, you saw Armitage sitting in the rocking chair, clutching Armel to himself. His head was close to hers as he whispered to her. Armel rested in the crook of his arm in a haphazard mess of blankets, like he'd just pulled her from the crib.

"I am sorry I could not hold you before, little one," Armitage said, running a finger over her temple, swiping over her bright hair. "Go back to sleep. I will not abandon you this time."