"Yay, a family vacation!" I yelled, dressing Lucille in her tropical dress. We were packing up the saviormobile.
"Bonjour, am I right?" Simon grinned, adjusting his hawaiian flower necklace.
"HEY A**HOLE! WE'RE GOING TO GODD*MN DISNEYLAND! QUIT YOUR FRENCHING!" I hollered. A bit harsh, but he would understand. Lately I had been stressed out about my autistic son Carl. He was horrible.
We all packed into the big, junky RV. Yay. I sped off down the road. "Time to read horoscopes!" I announced, typing on my phone as I swerved along the street. I think I crunched a child. Whoops. #apocalypse #nolaws #anarchy #destroysociety
"Aww, Gemini will soon encounter a horrible catastrophe and burn alive at the stake! Good for you, D!" I sneered, ripping Dwight's scraggly blonde hair out in a playful gesture. He whimpered in pain. I offered no comfort for the emo.
It was time for the next reading. "Pisces- you will soon die in episode 15. Your best friend will strangle you to death. Then you will be chained to the front of their house. Wow, intense," I laughed callously. Simon chuckled at his fate.
My eyes flickered down to Aries. I was expecting a smooth fortune, something simple like, you will become a millionaire and everyone loves you and you're the best leader ever. But instead, all it said...
"The childless will be the first to meet the fate of eternal loneliness."
I trembled. I dropped the phone on the floor. "Negan sama, what is the matter?" Eugene asked from the back seat.
"N-Nothing," I said quickly, distracting myself with the latest embarrassing feed from my fellow murderers. Dwight had posted a very grotesque selfie of himself in his pierce the veil shirt, with the caption: "Guess who's single? Me! Rawr. 35, Virginia Hit me up". I spat out my Mountain Dew™ in a gust of laughter. Wow, so that's how he reacts to me smoothly stealing his wife? Oh, Dwight. You never fail to make me grimace.
I started fanboying in the car with seizure-like movements. Omg, I was just thinking about the sugoi time Glenn said "Maggie, I'll find you". Squee!!!!! Maggie x Glenn is my OTP!!!!! And I was responsible for him saying that. Only I was responsible for the most romantic Gleggie moment. Never regret bashing someone's head in.
"Uh, we're off the road," Simon said unhelpfully. I realized we were coasting through much grass. I turned around, strangling him with my one coy hand.
"Hey a**hole. You betraying me again?" I demanded.
"Ack!" was all my tall, hopelessly cruel sidekick uttered.
"Negan. NEGAN!!! I have to go to my tattoo appointment!" Eugene hollered from the back seat. I forgot, he had to get his cutie mark installed.
"So tell me, Eugenius. What's your cutie mark?" I inquired. The very intelligent, and very large, man rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
"I'd indefinitely describe it as possibly a vial of world saving liquid that could be used to destroy the zombie race. I, after all, am a very brilliant scientist. My knowledge represents not only genius, but hope for humanity," he replied.
"Ugh, I'm stuck in the car with a brony," Dwight snapchatted, posting a very overly dramatic selfie of himself with Eugene talking incessantly in the background and a view of Simon's receding hairline.
Yay, what a long trip to Disneyland. As expected, m'lady. Or should I say, m'Lucille. Simon purred as his master, Dwight, stroked his graying hair. I admired the scenery as the trashy RV coasted along the potholed road. Ah, beautiful. The zombies roamed beautifully. It was beautiful. However, Eugene was getting fussy. It became apparent that he needed lunch.
