I Need You, Like Water In My Lungs

Shattered Heart

Marina

I turned the water on and entered the shower. I sat down, arms around my legs and face burried between my thighs and chest. Tears were travelling down my cheeks. I was crying loudly, driving my nails in my arms. The hot water made my back red and it hurt, but i didn't really care. "Matthew!" I cried out and screamed at the top of my lungs. I wanted it all out. I wanted all of him out of me.

About an hour later, I got out of the shower. My back ached a lot and i could barely put on my tank, loose white top without moaning in pain. I put on my panties and my loose black shorts. I brushed my waist-lengthed hair and dryed it, revealing my waves and curls. I walked out of the bathroom and made my way to the kitchen. There it was. The invitation i stole from Matty's place. I put it in my pocket quietly while leaving. I wanted to see what made him so shocked.I opened it and carefully read the content.

Dear everyone!

We invite you to our wedding ceremony on July 29th to celebrate alongside us the most important event of our lives.

Both the bride and the groom wish you can all attend our wedding and of course our aftermath party!

The bride, Helen Zayns, and the groom, Matthew Healy.

I froze. The invitation fell off of my arms as tears travelled down my cheeks for once again. "No... No, it can't be..." I mouthed trying to realise what i had just read. The door bell woke me from my thoughts and i quickly wipped my tears, rushing towards the front door. I opened it and tears instantly flooded my eyes. "Mary..." Matty walkes towards me but i stepped backwards. "Look, I-I can explain! I can explain--" "Explain what?!" I yelled. "That during those two years that i almost killed myself for you, you were having your good time with Helen? HELEN?! And you are engaged to her! AND YOU HAD THE FUCKING BALLS TO SLEEP WITH ME AGAIN!" I screamed and he closed the door, grabbing my wrists.

"Listen to me Marina!" he requested but I pulled away "Let me go!" I demanded and he grabbed my shoulder. I screamed in pain and fell on my knees. My shoulders and back still hurt from earlier. Matty removed my hair from my back and gasped. "Marina, what happened to you?!" he asked shocked. "Everynight.." I mumbled crying silently. "I would do this to myself every fucking night, accusing myself for you leaving and accusing myself for everything."

Matty ran to the kitchen and put some ice in a towel. He knelt in front of me and touched my chin with his left hand, while patting my back gently with the ice with his other hand. "Mary, why would you accuse yourself? I never blamed you for anything." he said and I turned my gaze away. "Why are you marrying Helen?" my voice cracked. Matty's eyes were filled with pain.

"Marina...I..." he wouldnt speak. "You said you could explain,right?! Well speak up!" I yelled and hit his chest. He bit his lower lip and stood up. "I'm sorry, Mary. I really am." I stood up and began hitting him. "No you are not! You never were! It's fun,huh?! Fun, playing with my feelings! It's fun promising with lies! It's fun when you--" he cut me off by crashing his lips to mine. I pulled away "No stop--" he kissed me again.

I tried to pull myself but he wouldn't let me. I gave up and kissed back while crying. He slowly pulled away and held my in his arms while I was crying my lungs out. "I hate you! I hate you so much!" I screamed and hit his chest. "...I love you so much, i love you Matthew.." I mumbled silently and he held my face in his hands, making me face him. "Marina don't." he begged.

"I can't keep it in any longer! I love you Matthew, I love you!" I said and he lowered his gaze. "Mary..don't do this to me..." I pulled away and wipped my tears. "You're right. I'm hurting you. You're better off without me." He looked at me shocked. "Marina,no i di--" I put my fingers on his lips and stood up. "Leave, Matthew. Marry Helen, have children with her. Be happy. You could never be happy with me." I turned my gaze away.

He tried to talk but I pointed at the door. He hesitated for a moment but walked towards the door. When the door closed i broke into tears again.

------

1 week later

"Do it" Nicole demanded and i huffed.I grabbed my cellphone and dialed Helen's number while wipping my runny nose. She picked it up and i skipped a heartbeat.  "Hello!" i heard her high-pitched voice.

"Hey Helen, it's me...Marina." I stated and she was silent for a moment. "Marina! Hey!" I could tell she faked the excitment. We never were good friends. More of the fake-best friends who secretly want to backstab each other. "I...I heard the news. Congratulations." I said and she giggled. "Yeah, i am so happy that me and Matty finally get married!" I froze.Only i called him Matty. "Right..good for you" there goes the awkward silence again.

"Oh, of course you can come too!" I frowned. "Of course. I'll be the count on that." I eyed Nicole and smirked. "Well see you in one week i guess,sweetheart." I said and hung up. "Guess who is invited to the marriage of the year.." I fake-exclaimed and huffed. "How am I gonna face him?" I asked and Nicole slapped my shoulder.

"You'll go. We'll go together and show him what big of an a-hole he is for deciding to marry that ugly bitch who was virgin until turning 22!" Nicole said and I couldn't help but chuckle. "We're going." I thought about it a little and then I nodded. "Yeah.. Yeah you're right. We're going." I agreed and she hugged me tightly.