.d a y s in my l i f e.

Bjorn Died. 4.17.18

So, none of you know this but I got a baby rat. He was so brave & curious and for whatever reason I decided to name him Bjorn. He seemed viking like & the name just stuck.
He became my sweet little buddy. He loved riding on my shoulder, in the hood of my hoodies, sunflower seeds, and cuddling his brother, Zed.

Then, one day he was walking funny. Stumbling, staggering, and it almost looked like he was drunk.
God I wish he had been.

It got worse. By last night, 4.16.18 he was spinning only to the right. He had lost entire function. Turned out he had a tumor in his brain. He wasn't going to last long.
We debated on killing him then but put him in his cage. Hoping
God I was hoping he would die on his own.

But, lucky fucking me in the morning he was still fighting. Still trying to live.
Suffering
God his eyes and body. You could see he was in pain. He wasn't my happy little boy anymore. He was in agony.

I had to give him mercy.

My roommate offered to kill him, but I had too. He was my baby it was only right I took his life.

And I did.

I killed my rat to spare him misery.

I cried as I held him.
Cried harder as I felt his life leave him.

Sat there wondering why
Why him
Why my beautiful baby who had already claimed such a big portion of my heart.

I sobbed. In the early sunlight

I held his limp body and sobbed.
I knew I did the right thing

And yet I felt so terrible.

We burned his body. I know that seems weird. But he seemed viking like & it seemed only appropriate we gave him a viking funeral.

I miss that rat. I don't care that he was a rodent. He was my baby.

He died today because I ended his life.

And I will never forget that. I will never forget how much it hurt.
God it hurt.

I'm sorry Bjorn. I couldn't watch you suffer anymore. I'll see you on the other side. <\3