Will They Meet Again?

10. Unbearable guilt

Daniel's POV

"............I never wanted to come here in the first place", she said.

Those words pierced my heart.

She then didn't throw a glance at me and slammed the door.

That again hurt me.

I really went overboard this time for sure. This idiot me. I hate myself for that. After all the beautiful time we spent alone in the afternoon, I had to ruin the evening.

But how can I explain? Maria took her picture when she just got up. She would have stopped Maria from doing that. Maria also showed her to others. Moreover others really liked it.

She is really cute when she wakes up. Her bed hairs and flushed cheeks....she was just like a small baby....so soft. I didn't want others to see her like that. I didn't even want the girls to see her either. The boys are totally out of question. They screamed in excitement when they saw her picture. I was pissed off.

When she entered the dining hall, everyone told her that she looked cute. I was really angry at that. Even my parents, Greame's parents and John too. I didn't like it at all. Why is she so vulnerable to all these kinds of attacks? I didn't want that. I can't protect her from it, I don't know her well enough.

But I wanted to shout at them to keep their eyes and mouth to themselves. She took the seat beside me and that's when I noticed that she's wearing a very light dress, I frowned at that. She was looking cute though but I turned cold .

After dinner she went to garden and I followed her. As usual she didn't noticed me at all. Looks like she really needs someone to watch her back too. She shivered when the cold breeze blew. I gave her my jacket immediately. She thanked me but I didn't reply her properly though I wanted to.

"Whatever", I said.

Ahh too cold. Can't I even control my own tone?

"Aren't you cold? You can take back your jacket, I'm fine", she said.

I became more cold.

"I'm not taking it and you are not fine", I spoke coldly.

"Hey it's already cold, are you trying to freeze me here?" she asked.

I looked at her and frowned.

"You, do you have any idea what are you doing? Who let's others take their picture when they just wake up? Who wears a light dress and comes out in cold unprepared? You are freezing yourself young lady", I said.

"I said I'm fine. You can take your jacket back. I don't need it. I don't need somebody to look after me. You can do your own work", she said.

I again became more colder. She was pissed off, I knew it.

She then shoved my jacket back to me and got up to leave. But I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to seat.

That's when I noticed it. It froze my blood and heart. She said she can take care of herself but what's this? She's hurting but she hasn't even noticed it. I was at my limit. I just couldn't see that. I tried to speak normally but my tone betrayed me. It was more harsh than I wanted it to be.

"Oh yeah, you don't need somebody to look after you and you're fine, then what's this?" I looked down as I spoke and then lifted her left leg and kept it in my lap.

I looked at the completely blood stained bandage.

"You have got nothing to do with it. So let me go. I can very well take care of it", she said. She's really stubborn.

"From what I see, you've already taken good care of it. Besides I don't want casualties in my home", I coldly said.

I didn't want to say that. But that's the only reason I can give her right now. My family is the host here so it's our responsibility to take care of guests. My tone became harsher and harsher. This wasn't good.

I pulled her up and led her to the living room. I cleaned her wound and bandaged it. I've always wanted to tend her wound since the day she got hurt. I didn't like the thought of John touching her feet when he tended it before.

I then led her to the second floor.

"Don't cause others trouble. If you can't take care of yourself, don't go out", I spoke. But it came out coldly.

Damn.. I can't even say 'take care' properly.

I just wanted to tell her to rest. I wanted her to stay inside and take rest. Going out will just increase the pressure on her ankle and that's bad. But I couldn't keep it gentler, I had to add that damn 'dont cause others trouble' thing, right? I can't even do this silly thing properly.

"Who do you think you are to order me around? Besides if it weren't those girls pressing me to accompany them, I wouldn't have. I never wanted to come here in the first place", she replied back.

.......

I was at a total loss. I really hated myself as I recalled what happened. She just slammed the door. I was really worried about her. How do I tell her that? That's not my usual self. I'm already yet to digest the fact that I'm ready to explain her all, ready to tell her all the things, ready to give a reason for my behaviour and ready to apologise. I've never done that before for anyone. Nor did I feel like doing it for someone, offcourse that includes my parents and family too. My actions are all justified but with her they aren't.

I don't wanna speak to her that way. I don't wanna be cold towards her. I don't want her to avoid me also I don't want to say mean things to her. It's actually more like I can't. I just hate to have to tell her that my family is the host so we have to take care of things. I want to be personally responsible for her. But on what basis?

That's right, she doesn't even know who I am, she doesn't know anything about me either. Same goes for me. I too don't know her not do I know anything about her. So saying all that and using a cold voice is the only thing that I can do now.

I don't know but she has already influenced me to the point where I'm beginning to shed off my usual self...just for her.

Damn...what's happening to me.

Disappointed, I dragged myself to my room and closed the door. I took a shower and changed. I got into bed. Trying to think, my first thought was her.

Why? Since when? Why her? Only her! Really? I can't be like this.

I have much more work to do.

I cleared my thoughts and started over, this time......again her!

I can't be defeated yet. That's my brain thinking afterall. I've to be responsible for it's thoughts. So I can't think about her. I have to control them.

I sighed and went to sleep with
incredible guilt.

Wait guilt?

Where did that come from?

When did it creep into my betraying heart?

It's too unbearable.

...........