The Loud House // It's Too Much || Clincoln

[Eight - Clyde]

    I slammed my pencil down on my desk: inhaling deeply through my nose and sinking deeper into the chair. I just couldn't stop thinking about what he said. It's all I've been thinking about for days: it's all I can think about. Nothing could distract me, no matter how hard I tried. Being at work and doing my homework was the most frustrating thing, really. All I could hear was his stupid voice saying the same thing, over and over again.

"I found the piece I didn't know was lost."
"I found the piece I didn't know was lost."
"I found the piece I didn't know was lost."
"I found the piece I didn't know was lost."

"God, I get it!" I yelled, throwing my Chemistry notebook across the room and collapsed facedown on my bed. I sighed, pressing the pillow into my burning cheeks. "Why is everything so fucking difficult?"

Rolling over, I peered out my window and at the stars. There were a few constellations I knew, but the rest seemed to be scattered loosely with no real purpose. They just sit there, and nobody thinks twice about it. Maybe that's really it, all that I am. I'm a stupid star with no purpose. I just sit there and make an appearance every couple hours a day, and I try to fit in, but actually I'm so far away from everyone else I can't even be part of a simple constellation. Just one day I'm going to explode and ruin the lives of those around me, and nobody knows how long it will take them to notice I'm gone.

Now it just sounded like I was spewing The Fault In Our Stars bullshit.

"This is a fucking teen romance novel," I groaned, covering my eyes with my arm. The weight of everything was almost choking me. I go to work in the morning, I go to school, I go home, I do homework, I go to sleep. All of it just repeats itself over and over again. I was so sick of it.

"I thought Dad said no swearing," A small voice said beside my ear. I sat up and scrambled toward the wall until my back hit it not so gently. I grabbed at my chest in shock, narrowing my eyes at my younger sibling.

"That's none of your business, is it?" I scowled, "What are you doing in my room?"

"They sent me up here to check on you. They said that you weren't acting normal so I had to see if you're in your room," she said, picking up my books by the nightstand one by one. My cheeks flushed and my eyes darted to my socks.

"Well, I'm up here, aren't I? Go down there and tell them that I'm not dead and that I'm capable of being alone for ten minutes," I waved a hand toward the door, signaling her to leave. She huffed and set the books on the stand, all out of order.

I tried to organize the books back into place, a stupid nervous tick that everything had to be where I left it. I didn't look back up at her, I knew that she would stay if you gave her the attention she craved. Obviously annoyed, she stomped her feet like the toddler she is. She looked angry, and it looked like she didn't intend on leaving.

"Dr. Lopez says that the reason you act up is because you feel like nobody loves you," she sneered at me like a brat. My face burned and I cracked my knuckles. My eyes shifted around the room as I began counting to ten in my head, almost like it was a reflex.

"Whenever I'm feeling worked up after a fight," Dr. Lopez began, looking me in the eyes sharply, "Or in your case, after a triggering mental response, I count to ten over and over inside my head. I try and find all the different ways to get to ten, so that I'm so focused on getting to ten, I'm not focused on staying mad."

"I don't see how that works, it's not like the thoughts disappear, right?"

"Of course not."

"What's the point, then?"

"The point is that you think it will stop the thoughts, so that's what you believe."

"And she's right, because we don't. All you do is sit and think and be mean and tell me to get out of your stupid room. It's not my fault Dad and Daddy think you're gone, but sometimes I wish you were."

She stuck her tongue out at me and slammed the door as hard as her six-year-old arms could manage. I stared at the door in silence, still counting in my head. I don't know how long I sat there without moving, but it was probably too long. I felt nothing, not an ounce of anger. I probably should have screamed at her for coming in my room in the first place, I probably should've yelled at my dads for not trusting me, I probably should've called Dr. Lopez and told her not to schedule me ever again as long as she uses my sessions against me.

But I didn't.

I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat and I sat.

I sat until I heard the opening theme to one of their favorite movies, I sat until I heard the water in the downstairs bathroom stop running, I sat until I heard my parents say goodnight to my sister, and not me.
I sat until my phone flashed with a message.

"I figured out what I've been missing this entire time."

Lincoln Loud: Hey, you still up?"

For the first time since she slammed my door, I felt something.

For the first time since she slammed my door, I moved. I moved as fast as my legs could carry me.
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I said I would update more during Spring Break, but I went on a surprise trip to Texas (sorry people from Texas but I hated it there) and I just got really lazy. buT yesterday I went to my grandparent's house (the ones I don't like) and I got my laptop. So I wrote this on that so that's why I don't know how to spell anything, because there's no autocorrect. I don't really know how long this is because I'm not writing this directly on Wattpad, so I hope it's long enough.

AlsO I wrote this like a week or two ago but when I went to post it Wattpad was really weird on the computer and it wouldn't let me save or post it or basically do anything sO. I tried. When I tried to copy and paste it to mobile Wattpad, the app would crash every time. My app is being really weird when connected to the internet because it crashes every two seconds and never lets me check anything, which is why it usually takes me longer than usual to reply to comments. It also doesn't let me use italics which is such a pain because I l0ve to use th0se inc0rrectly. Hopefully nobody notices that I never use punctuation right buT

by the wAY

You kind of met Clyde's sister, but I didn't want to name her. So if you can think of a good name, just comment it and in two years when I finally update this book again, I might use your name.

Alright, I got gO
-Q