The Wanted: (M)aids

MISS UNDERSTOOD

Ms. Stevens was such a nice person, naive and sympathetic. And I find it hard how good a therapist she was. Usually, a therapist would act a certain way toward your descriptions on what you felt or did. They would usually lack emotion towards what I say. Then, act like I should do something about it and make improvements. Though, my improvements only reverses back to my horrible ways.

"You're not going to be here for long, once you take your meds, you'll be fine. However; sweetie you have to be able to set standards for yourself and know that this disease isn't a disease unless you make it one. It's not going to bother you unless you want it to do so. Although it's here, it's alive, infecting you, the only sense of you gaining that control over it is by you acting like it doesn't take a toll on your mind. And I know you're not okay, I know you're in pain and that you think your life doesn't matter. Listen here- it wasn't your fault if you have a desire for what makes you feel better. That's just human nature. Look at obese people, or money hungry people. They have something in common, and that's the desire for having more of what makes them feel like the best. You shouldn't have to sacrifice that, but just know you can have enough when there's too much."

I started to bawl. Just knowing how true it was and how she was able to understand my point of view instead of continuously knocking me down all the time like my other therapists. She actually cares- and I love her for that.

I replied back saying, " I need to tell you where my mental was in order for me to be able to commit such a crime. It'll be a while, it's 12 p.m. I don't know if you'll sit here and listen."

"You're worth listening to, don't ever think otherwise. I'll stay. It's good to express you're feelings."

I was scared about how she would've taken this. Scared about how exactly would she think of me.

"One rule, no interruptions please."

"Got you."

That's where my story began.

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50 people, I've fucked and through away and picked up people. Even though me being Veronica, I still had love for Jason. Jason was a my baby. He was my first love and he had taken my virginity when I was 15. We had started off as best the best relationship a person can ever ask for. He'd pick me up after school everyday and we'll stake the train together home. We'll talk about our feeling and desires and plans for the future. We'd said I love you after every sentence. We'd cry together, stay together, and I would never think of the day I would leave him. I mean come on, I'll fantasize about him every single day non stop. Until...

One day.. being curious... I typed in different sex positions and all the types of sex there was. I wanted to make him as happy as he can possible be. He had been said that he admired my figure 8 body and applaud my thorough skills in giving fellatio on him. The sex was okay, but he has kinks up his sleeve that should not be mentioned.

So I did this to spice things up so we'd become more connected.

I got so attached to the idea being wholesome with one person. Viewing all types of fetishes available on that Saturday- I couldn't stop researching or looking.

Then- porn came into my life.