Let's Have A Baby

Part 3

Shawn synced your period app with his phone, becoming a control freak about constantly having sex when you were ovulating. Each time your period was expected, he'd get all anxious, praying it wouldn't come. It always did.

Months passed, no sign of a baby. You relaxed a little with work, began exercising more, eating better, and Shawn did the same. He wanted to be in it with you, experiencing the same routine. "It's our baby, love. I'm in this, too. You get pregnant, I get pregnant." he'd always say, trying to make you feel a little better about flipping his life upside down.

It was really taking a toll on the both of you. You never had kinky sex anymore, it was always slow and he always asked so many questions. It was becoming routine, sticking to a criteria that was enjoyable at first, but became boring with time. Sometimes there was nothing you wanted more than his throbbing cock in your mouth as he released, but he always insisted it was a waste of a try. "The one you swallow will be the one that would have made a baby. We can't be doing that, hun. We can't afford to." he'd say. You couldn't help it. You missed getting filthy with him.

It also created an empty space between you. It was like something was missing, a constant elephant in the room. You tried to ignore it most of the time, but it was difficult when Shawn would get up from the table, storming into your bedroom and slamming the door behind him because he didn't want you to see him start crying.

He showed it more than you did. It was more-so Shawn being upset because he wanted this so badly, and you being upset because you wanted nothing more than to give this to him. Yeah, you wanted a baby, but you didn't have very maternal instincts. It was Shawn who smiled at the sight of a baby on the street, or cried happy tears at the Pampers commercials. He really wanted this, and it really warmed your heart that he wanted it with you.

In an attempt to cheer him up, you ordered-in some fast food and decided to surprise him with a relaxing night of eating and doing not much else. He used to love that—being home and just being with you, not worrying about eating well or being productive.

It was Saturday, so you and Shawn were home and just hanging out. He went to the gym in the morning, which you skipped out on, and you could tell that it kind of annoyed him. The doorbell rung and you knew it was the Postmates guy, so you got up to collect your food.

Thanking the man and taking the bags, you walked into the kitchen to separate your chicken fingers from Shawn's burger and put all the fries in a big bowl. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his soft hair peeking around the corner of the doorway. You ignored him, a smirk on your face, and he took a few steps into the kitchen and crossed his arms.

"I ordered your favourite, babe! I was hoping we could have a chill night? Just forget about this whole baby thing for a bit?" you asked.

"Yeah. Sure. Let's forget about the whole fucking baby thing. It's not like I really want this, or I've done my research, or you're my fucking wife and it's time. Let's just forget it." he spat, clearly annoyed and becoming angrier by the second.

"No, Shawn, not like, forever! I just, I just meant for tonight!" you responded, shocked at his sudden burst of anger.

"Whatever. I gotta go. I'll see you later." he grabbed his keys off the counter and headed for the front door, his face turning red.

"Right, Shawn! Just fucking run away, like you always do! You don't think I don't want this too? You don't think I've done everything I can? You don't think I look in the mirror every morning and fucking hate myself because I can't make you happy? Yeah, Shawn. Leave." your voice broke, tears beginning to fall down your cheeks.

"No, honey, no—that's not what I meant." he put his keys back down and walked over to your small frame, taking you in his arms.

"I'm sorry I can't give you a baby. I really am. I'm so sorry." you cried into his chest, shoulders shaking.

"Shhh, shhh, honey no. It's okay. I love you. It'll happen for us, now's just not the time. I love you. Shhhh." he cooed into your hair, regretting his previous rush of anger.

"But Shawn, Shawn, just don't leave me, okay? I know you want this so badly and I wish I could just snap my fingers and be pregnant. But we keep trying and it's not working. Please don't leave me. Don't go looking for someone better." you let out, crying harder with each word.

He gripped your arms and stepped back, looking at you. You couldn't help but look away, ashamed at your failure at becoming a mom.

"No. No, Y/N look at me. Look at me." you looked at him. "I want you. I want you and only you and I don't care if we can't have a kid. I don't care because I already have a family, and that's you. You're the best family I could ask for. Okay? Stop with this. I. Love. You." he pleaded, tears in his eyes.

You nodded and he took you back into his arms, hugging you tighter.

"Okay, can we eat some greasy food now?" he asked, suddenly hungry.

You nodded again, smiling this time. He planted a peck on your nose and stepped past you, plating the food and bringing it over to the couch.

"You coming?" he called from the living room as he set aside the throw pillows, making a little spot for you to sit beside him.

You felt a weight lifted off of your shoulders, realizing that you don't need to get pregnant. Everything you needed was sitting on the couch, hair all messed up, digging into a cheeseburger.