A Season for Honour

Chapter 14

The clock on the mantlepiece chimed the hour twice. The gentle ring of the bell awoke her from her reverie, and she thought about what they had just discussed. He had told her that she was a good mother, and he had also told her that there was nothing wrong with wanting to protect those you love. She had confided in him her fears about Charles behaving like her late husband. Of course, he had been quite correct, having a resemblance to his father did not necessarily mean that her son would automatically behave like him. Why should he? Charles was a unique person in his own right, and he had never shown any of the defective character traits common to the late Lord Kendall.

The chimes heralded to the world that it was now two o'clock in the morning. Octavia was finding it difficult to believe that two hours had passed since she had arrived home at Northleigh. She was now sitting on the floor in the library, with her back propped up against a chair next to Alex, and she felt, for the first time in a very long time, peaceful.

Over the past couple of hours, he had become so much more than her son's tutor, he had become her friend and her confidante. She had confided in him all the secrets she had locked up in the recesses of her mind for many years. Those painful memories that she had been unable to tell anyone, not even her dearest and closest friend, Katie. When Kendall had died, she had buried them deep within her and had tried to contain the emotional damage that even just thinking about them could evoke. As a consequence of her husband's death, she had locked herself away in Northleigh and had had limited interactions with her neighbours.

She had felt that he had understood her when he had quoted Donne and said, "no man is an island." She had heard that poem many times, but, for the first time in her life she now understood the poet's meaning. It is impossible to live life without interacting with the rest of the world. Every action that one does has an effect on someone else. She had thought that retreating from the world and living a life of seclusion would harm no one. However, she was beginning to realise that that was impossible, and her continued isolation could potentially damage her children's chances in life.

'Thank you,' she said as she smiled up at him, 'you are right. Charles is nothing like his father, and I should not worry about him. He is a good boy, and I certainly cannot protect him forever. It would be wrong for him to stay here just because I want him to. He will learn to make his own mistakes, and hopefully, he will learn from them.'

'And what about you?' Alex said to her gently, 'what are you going to do?'

Octavia sighed. 'I will have to do what Katie has been urging me to do for some time, I will go to London for the season. I need to establish myself in society before Olivia's come-out.'

'Good,' he said, 'you are making the right decision. But what will you do once you are part of society?'

Octavia, whose head had been resting on his shoulder, lifted it up to look at him. 'Me?' she said with a look of surprise on her face. She had never thought of her future, only the children's. 'I know I will have to leave Northleigh one day. I cannot stay here when Charles brings his wife to her new home. She will be the mistress of Northleigh, and I would not want to usurp her position. I suppose I will stay here and look after the house until then.'

'You should marry again,' he said quietly, 'to a man like Freddie who will look after you and the children.'

Octavia shook her head. 'I do not think I could marry again,' she said softly, 'you know the saying "once bitten, twice shy".'

'Yes,' he replied, 'I have. But, not all men are like your first husband, or me for that matter.'

Octavia looked up at him. 'You are nothing like Kendall,' she said forcefully, 'nothing.'