Little things

After the Break-up

    Alec laid in his room, staring at the ceiling. His chest ached, as though he had lost some part of himself, he guessed, in a way he did. Izzy banged on his door, begging for him to let her in.
    Alec couldn't let her see him like this, so weak, and pathetic. He felt the tears fill his eyes again, and he was too tired to even bother wiping them away, instead, he just let them fall.  He didn't care about anything anymore. He had lost his brother, his love, soon his family would leave him too, he was sure. Alec didn't know why he bothered with anything, no one needed him, he wished he could just disappear.
You could said that luring voice in his head, the one that always seemed to push him toward the dark side of his mind. Alec sat up, noticing that Izzy seemed to have finally given up again, leaving his room in silence. Alec looked down at his arms, seeing the scars. Some were old and white, some curvy from the runes, others were straight, parallel lines. Intentional. Some of them were faded.
Alec had started hurting himself when Max first died, but Magnus was there, begging for him to stop, telling him he was beautiful and needed.
"Liar!" He screamed, throwing his pillow down, wishing it was something harder and more satisfying, something that would break.
Just like me. He thought bitterly, looking around his room, finding his knife. It was a long, ornate piece, his father had given him on his tenth birthday.
Back when he still loved Alec, before Alec was a filthy gay.
He smiled sadly, placing the blade against his wrist. Alec sliced apart the skin slowly, relishing in the pain. He watched as the blood dripped down his arm, landing on the sheets. Alec didn't even bothering worrying about it, he sliced again, and again, and again. Within minutes his entire arm is cut up, and blood is leaking out quickly.
Alec sighed, flopping onto his bed and letting out a long breath. He closed his eyes, letting a sob escape his body. Followed by another, and another. Alec curled himself into a ball, hugging his knees to his chest. He felt so useless and pitiful. The blue eyed shadow hunter felt himself spirling into a deep hole of despair. One that he knew that he couldn't pull himself out of, but he found he didn't really care.
Alec looked at his wrist, seeing that the blood was still dripping down it, he faintly smiled. Maybe, if he was lucky he would just bleed to death. 
There was a banging at the door again, and Jace's voice crept through.
"Alec! Buddy, Please, open the door..." Jace begged, Alec just let another sob escape, curling even tighter.
"Go away." He sobbed, rocking gently. "Please, go away."
    There was a silence for a moment.
"Alec, if you don't open this door now, I'm breaking it down." Jace warned, but Alec was fading out of consciousness.
He heard the door breaking in and a collective gasp.
"Oh my angel! Alec!" Izzy cried, rushing to his side, Alec tried to hide from her, tucking his arm under him. But it was too late, she had seen. "Alexander Gideon Lightwood, show me your arm. Right now." She added when he hesitated, Alec's arm snuck out from under him, still leaking consistently. Izzy let out a sob, covering her mouth.
"Oh Alec, please, talk to me..." She begged, moving the choppy hair out of his face and resting her hand on him gently.
"Not now, too tired..." Alec said, closing his eyes and falling into a sleep.

The next time he woke, he was in the infirmary, his wrist wrapped nearly to the elbow with gauze. He smiled bitterly at it, wishing that it could have ended him. He looked around, his eyes locking with Izzy.
"Alec, you're awake." She sighed, running a hand through her hair.
Alec tried to smile, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" Izzy asked, Alec quickly shook his head, his eyes looking so dull and devoid of life.
Izzy stepped closer, placing a hand on his uninjured arm. She spoke softly, barely above a whisper.
"Is it Magnus?" She asked, and Alec's tears fought to fall from his eyes. He couldn't manage much more than just tucking his head in. A sob escaped his mouth, and he pulled his knees to his chest. Izzy wrapped her arms around him, shushing him.
"I messed up Izzy, I really messed up." He said, sobbing. His body seemed to shake. Izzy could feel bones through his shirt, and she wondered when was the last time that he ate something. She didn't ask.
"It's gonna be okay, Alec, it's gonna be fine." She promised, but Alec shook his head, standing up quickly.
"No! It won't!" He screamed, shaking his head, he turned to look at his sister, noting the worry in her eyes. Alec stood and laughed bitterly. "I fucked it up, just like I fuck everything else up! It's my fault, Izzy. I've lost him, I lost him, I lost him..." Alec falls to the floor, sobbing. Izzy sat there, mortified. She was angry at Magnus, but she wasn't completely sure what had happened. It couldn't have been good though.
Jace walked in, seeing Alec on the floor, he rushed to his side.
"Alec, buddy..." He said, but Alec just sat there, muttering to himself. Jace didn't know what to do, he hovered over Alec's form, not touching him. He was scared that the boy would break if he got to close. Alec tangled his hands in his hair, pulling harshly.
"Alec, stop..." Izzy tried to reach out to him, but he smacked her away.
"Don't touch me!" He screamed, his eyes widening as he looked at her. She looked scared, she had never seen her brother like this before. Alec looked at her before turning and running out the door.
He wasn't sure where he was going, he just knew that he had to get away. Alec felt his feet dragging him out of the institute. He was in the brisk air outside, he breathed in deeply, letting it out in a big woosh. He turned to look behind him before rushing off, throwing on a glamour rune once he was far enough away.