Exit Through the Sex Shop

Author's Notes:  I've had this sitting around for a while on other sites and realized I should share it here, too.

**Disclaimers: We don't own... if we did, Drop Dead Fred would have been a porno... and we would have been in it.

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"Fred, I'm serious. You'd better behave while we're in here."

"What? Behave myself while we're in a knob shop? Don't you know what goes on in there?" He stared at Lizzy like he was offended.

"Dammit, Fred! PLEASE behave! I want to surprise Charles tonight with something different. Now promise me you won't touch ANYTHING."

Fred mockingly mouthed what Lizzy had just said and rolled his eyes. "Why am I always the pirate that doesn't touch anything? And what do we need to impress Charles for? I've got plenty of ideas we could surprise him with and they're all a whole helluva lot better than this." He sneered as he pointed to the shop, then shot Lizzy a mischievous grin. "Want to know what they are?" His eyebrows lifted.

"I'd rather not," Lizzy replied, rolling her eyes. "Now, are you gonna promise you won't touch anything or not?"

Fred loudly scoffed and stomped his foot. "Fine, but it's gonna be boring!" He stuck out his tongue, but the promise meant nothing because he had cleverly crossed his fingers behind his back. She'd thank him later, he told himself.

"Good," she said, opening the door. "Now, I wonder where they keep the lingerie..."

Lizzy began to walk down an aisle that contained nothing but videos while Fred shuffled after her. He made sure to slouch with his hands shoved deep in his pants pockets so he looked thoroughly disappointed.

"You know," he mused aloud, "I don't know why you need to find bastard Charles anything different anyway. He's already gotten himself that one there." Fred pointed to one of the videos, before taking notice to some of the surrounding titles. He leaned closer as he read, "Debbie Does the Mother Ship? Heaving It Up the Ho? Huh. Sounds like an outright job."

Lizzy spun around and looked at Fred. "Charles doesn't have any of these... these... smut videos... Well, OKAY, maybe he has the one with the alien hooker... but that was tastefully filmed, so it doesn't count!" she hissed. "Now, stop being so negative. You know how I feel about Charles, and this is my chance to show him I can be just as sexy as Annabella. Now, I'm trying to find a French maid costume, so help me look."

Fred pretended to ignore her and leaned over to tap at one of the video boxes. His nose crinkled in disgust. Was this what people wanted?

"Well you're a million trillion times better than she is," he finally mumbled. He hated Charles so much, but suddenly realized the last thing Lizzy had said. "Oi! What do you need to be a maid for?"

Lizzy blushed and smiled at his comment. "Thanks Fred, but I really want to do this for Charles," she whispered back. "And for your information, Janie was the one who advised that I spice up our love life. You know, keep him interested and surprised. She's the one who suggested the maid outfit." She gave Fred a sidelong glance as they reached the end of the aisle. "What's the matter? Don't think I have what it takes to be a sexy maid?"

The comment had Fred's eyes wandering up and down Lizzy's body and he fell into a hard stare. His open mouth twitched when his attention lingered a bit too long on her breasts. Fred fought the urge to make sucking faces as he pictured them bare and ready for a proper ravishing.

Lizzy's blush deepened as she noticed his undeniable stare. "Stop that," she softly chided. "Just forget it. Let's keep looking." She turned back to her browsing, shaking Fred out of his fantasy.