A Ruptured Heart That's Terrified to Love again

KABANATA I

The sunset was one kind of a therapeutic view for me. I love how it looked as it's peaceful light was submerging into the whole beach.

The place where I was, was covered with tranquility. The splashing of waves were like music to my ear. Idagdag mo pa ang sariwang hangin na aking nasisimoy at tunog ng mga ibon na palibot libot sa paligid. There was nothing I can hear except those sounds. I was sitting alone here, feeling the presence of peace all over the beach.

I was smiling like an idiot here, all by myself but at just one snap, my smile faded at unti-unti 'yong napalitan ng mga butil na luhang nag aakamang mahulog mula sa 'king mga mata.

Tears start to fall as I remembered something again.

It's been a couple of months, but the pain in my heart was still fresh like it only happened yesterday.

Masakit pa rin.

Our relationship ended in just one blink.
The memories that we both shared together for the past 6 years has finally reached it's limit.

Deep inside me, umaasa pa rin ako.. Umaasa pa rin ako na isang araw, makakatanggap uli ako ng mensahe o tawag mula sa kanya that'll make me feel his presence again. I miss us. I miss him. I miss everything about him.

Absurd, right? Ako 'yung iniwan pero ako 'yung umaasa. Ako 'yung nireject pero ako 'yung nagpapakatanga. Maybe because I love him that much.

I love him that much, that no matter what his reasons was for living me, I'd still accept him if he comeback. I'm still willing to accept if he'd ask for another chance.

I was startled when I heard my phone rang, making me get back to my senses. Pinahidan ko ang bahid ng luha mula sa 'king pisngi, calmed myself and answered the call.

"Hello, Farren?" I said over the other line.

"Hello, Ate? where are you?"

"Nasa beach ako ngayon, pero pauwi na rin naman ako.."

Napatayo ako mula sa pagkakaupo sa buhangin saka inalis ang mga duming dumikit sa shorts ko.

"Okay, okay.. By the way, dito ka ba matutulog?" muli niyang tanong.

"Ah no.. Uuwi ako sa condo mamaya.."

"Okay then. Naghanda si Tita ng makakain rito. Nagbisita ka na ba kay Mama kanina?"

"Yes, of course. I passed by the cementery first before going here."

We talked random things and after that, I ended the call.

I decided to go home and before finally going to my car, I glanced at beach one more time.

Unti-unti nang nagtatago si haring araw at mapapalitan na 'yon ng mga mumunting bituin sa kalangitan.

*

I was driving on my way to the house when my phone beeped, signaling me that someone had text. I checked it and saw my Twin Sister's name on lockscreen.

From: Farren

Hoy, mag ingat ka diyan ha. Hindi ka pa naman masyadong marunong magdrive. Loveyou.

I smirked when I read her message.

My sister had always been a sweet person eversince. Ako 'yung unang pinanganak sa 'ming dalawa but she thinks more mature than I do. Parang siya pa 'yung mas matanda sa 'min.

We  learned to be independent since then. Our mother passed away when Farren and I were 15 years old and today is her death anniversary. 8 years have already passed after she died, yet I still long for her presence. I still miss her.

My Father on the other hand, left us when we were still kids. Sabi ni Mama, he had an affair with other woman and choose to be with his mistress. Wala na kaming balita after he left us. We never communicated anymore. I bet, nakatukod na siya ng pamilya sa with his new wife. Farren and I were 7 back then while Francis was still young and innocent not knowing what my heartless Father did. Iniwan niya kami and I hate him for that. Ni hindi niya man lang binigyan ng pagkakataon na makilala siya ni Francis. He left us for his mistress. He was not contented to my Mother that he let other woman satisfy his needs. He chose to be disloyal rather than being fateful to his own wife.

To: Farren

I'm almost home.

Pasado alas sais na nang makarating ako sa bahay.
We ate dinner and talked random things during eating. For about an hour, I decided to leave. They asked me to stay for a little while but I bid my adieu and promised them to visit next time.

"Mag ingat ka sa pagdadrive ha." Tita said as she kissed my cheek.

I smiled at her before finally getting in my car.

***

On my way to condo, I took the shortcut after feeling sleepy while driving.

I yawned.

Kampante naman ako dahil kahit nakapikit akong nagdadrive, wala akong mababangga o ano dahil wala namang masyadong dumadaan sa daan na 'to.

"Gosh, I'm sleepy.." I murmured.

Parang gusto ko nang sumandal sa manibela at matulog saglit but I prefer not to since the building where my condo unit was already near.

Halos tumalon ako sa kaba at biglang nawala lahat ng antok ko when someone suddenly crossed the road!

Sa bilis ng pangyayari, I immediately stepped on the brake that made my car stop into sudden motion.

Hinihingal akong sumandal sa sasakyan at mahigpit na kumapit sa manibela, noticing that person, disappeared out of nowhere.

I fucking hit someone!

I suddenly felt nervous and scared.
My mind isn't stable knowing someone might be lying there bathing his own blood or what just because of my clumsiness and not focusing on the road, letting the sleepiness take over my body! I don't know what to do. My whole body is trembling.

Even in this condition, I went out from the car. After closing the door, I took a look and saw a guy, na nakadapa sa daan, right in front of my car.

I approached the body inspite of the nervousness.

And there, I saw him. Nasa tapat siya ng sasakyan at nakadapa siya daan. Seeing the distance between my car and him, I felt relief when I realize,I didn't hit him. He definitely fell down right after I stopped the car.

I slowly walked near him and poked him with my index finger, checking if he's still concious.

He didn't move or flinched. Mas lalo akong lumapit sa kanya. Tinulak ko siya dahilan para mapahiga siya mula sa pagkakadapa.

"M-Mister?" I doubled check but there was no response from him.

Nakaamoy ako ng alcohol mula sa kanya.
Perhaps.. he's drunk?

He's absolutely drunk kaya siguro bigla siyang nagcollapse sa daan. Sorry for being nosy but I wonder why he looked so wasted.

I examined his face.

Base on his looks, he's not the kind of guy that'll cry, be broken and get drunk for a girl. He's precisely a playboyish type. Those pointed nose, chinky eyes, those features would definitely catch a girl's heart in an instant. If not a girl, a family then, I guess?

I shook my head to remove those kind of thoughts out of my mind. I need to stop being skeptical!

Instead of thinking those things, I need to find a way to get rid of this mess I've gotten myself into.