A Ruptured Heart That's Terrified to Love again

KABANATA III

"What a heartless jerk.."

I still can't move on from what happened. He was just so naive. Nag-expect lang naman sana ako ng pasasalamat mula sa kanya pero sa bandang huli, insulto lang ang inabot ko. Screw him to death. Mas pinatunayan niya lang sa 'kin na dapat ko talagang pagsisihan na dinala, inalagaan at pinatulog ko siya rito.

Naghahanap ako ng damit sa closet ko and towel was the only thing that's wrapped around my body. I was so busy finding clothes to wear but all of a sudden, I heard my phone vibrated that made me approached the side table to check the caller ID.

Calling..
+639270668***

Inspite of the unknown contact, I answered the call thinking it maybe
urgent.

"Hello?" pangunguna ko.

"Farah! I thought you're not going to pick up." I heard a chuckle from the other line.

Nanlaki ang mata ko nang makarinig ako ng pamilyar na boses. My jaw dropped and eyes widened.

"What the hell, Fiona?" halos pasigaw 'kong sagot.

I heard her giggle.

"Yes. The one and only, How are you?" she jollily asked.

"How am I?! Seriously? It's been a month since we last communicated bitch. Ngayon ka lang nagparamdam. It's a good thing you've reincarnated!" I exclaimed.

"Chill!" she laughed. "I've been really busy here so I didn't have time to hold my phone. I didn't even have the time to rest! Gosh. And besides, nagtitext rin naman ako sa 'yo kahit papa'no, pag nagkakaroon ako ng oras. Seriously, mamsh. Nakakastress rito. I regret working here. I can't wait to finally go home. Marami pa 'kong ichichika sa 'yo!" masigla niya sabi.

Halos mapatalon ako sa tuwa.

I miss my walking diary so much and I'm so happy she's finally going home! Hindi na 'ko makapag antay. Even me, I have so much to tell her! I want us to make up for the 4 months we missed not being together. I can't wait to see her!

"You're going home?" Gulat ko pa ring tanong. "Really? When?"

I took the glass of water on the side table as I felt thirst submerging my throat.

"Baka bukas nandyan na 'ko.."

Sa sobrang gulat, nabuga ko lahat ng nainom ko. I ended up regretting drinking this water!

"Woah, seriously?" I asked, really shocked.

"Yes.. Bukas ko na lang ichichika ba't ako uuwi diyan. Masyado kasing madrama." she plainly stated.

"Okay!" I excitedly said.

"Okay, okay. Bye na. See you tomorrow!" and after that, she ended the call.

Binalik ko ang phone ko sa side table and after that, I went back to finding some clothes to wear with a big smile plastered on my face.

*

Nasa bahay ako buong araw. Movie marathon here and there. Buong araw akong nakaupo sa couch habang habang lumalamon na nakatutok sa TV.

After watching some few movies, I got bored. Sumasakit na rin ang pwetan ko kakaupo sa couch. Ang kalat kalat na rin ng paligid. I decided to clean everything and after that, I changed my clothes saka lumabas ng unit ko.

I went to the convenience store near the building of my condo unit. Dito naman ako kakainin. It's better here. Hindi ako nakakaramdam ng pag iisa.

After I paid at the counter, naupo ako sa pwesto kung saan kitang kita ang nagdadaanang sasakyan at matataas na building sa labas.

A few minutes later, napagdesisyunan ko ng kainin ang cup noodles na inorder ko nang napansin na luto na 'yon.

I opened the seal and ready to eat, but then I remembered something.

"You look like a panda, seriously." natatawa niyang sabi saka umupo sa bakanteng upuan na nasa harapan ko habang hawak-hawak ang mainit-init na cup noodles.
"You watched Kdramas again, huh?" he tsk-ed.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Watching Kdramas are better rather than staying up all night, wasting your time just because you got addicted to those stupid video games." I remarked.

He let out a laugh.

"Video games are cooler than those Korean gays you're admiring." napatawa siya.

"Whatever!" napipikon 'kong sabi, surrendering. He always win in an argument anyway.

I took the cup noodles right in front of him and slowly opened it.

I was eating all by myself not minding him. It's exhausting even when you're just sitting in class and hearing out a boring professor. First day ko pa lang as a college student but I'm already missing my highschool years wishing to go back there. But, well.. We never knew baka sa una lang naman boring 'to.

Napatigil ako sa pagkain nang nakita ko siyang diretsong nakatingin sa 'kin ng may ngiti sa labi.

"What are you looking at?" nakakunot noo 'kong tanong. Confusions written all over my face.

Sumandal siya sa upuan niya and cross his arms on his chest. He smiled at me as he let out a sigh before finally speaking.

"I think I like you.." kalmado niyang sabi.

Nanlaki ang mata ko but I tried my best not to make it obvious. I didn't know he could be straightforward like this! Am I just assuming or what.

Inspite of a confusing question, I tried to act normal.

"It's normal to like a friend.." I continued eating. Making another meaning of what he said. Wait, making another meaning? Or is that meaning really the meaning? Wait, what?

"Oh, wait. Lemme clear that.." he said as our gazes met. "I don't like you.." Nakahinga ako ng maluwag but at the same time nakaramdam ako ng kirot sa puso ko. Wth?

"I don't like you Farah.." pag uulit niya. "I'm inlove with you. So inlove."

I didn't know how to react. My mind and everything is blank. I looked at him with my shocked face that made him chuckle. Is this some kind of a confession?

"Yes. I'm confessing right now.." he said reading my mind. "I know it's weird but I just can't stop it. My chest is going to burst out if I'm going to keep this forever. Absurd, right? Sa ilang taon nating pagiging magkaibigan ngayon ko lang sinabi 'to. Inunahan ako ng kaba. I was afraid of rejection. But hell, whatever. I'm inlove with you and that's the truth. I'm not expecting you to say or do something. I just want you to be aware of what I am feeling for you, that I'm so inlove with you Farah Sevilleno."

Napatahimik ako at napatulala ako.

"A-anong oras.. Next c-class mo?" wala na 'kong maisip na sabihin so I broke the awkwardness in the air by changing the topic.

"Oh. Mamaya pa. Mga 2." kalmado niyang sabi. How can he act like it's just nothing at all? I'm starting to think he's not really genuine of his feelings. That thought irritated me.

"I still have class after 15 minutes.. G-gotta go. Thank you for the treat.." sabi ko saka kinuha ang bag ko at tumayo mula sa kinauupuan ko para umalis.

Nakalabas na 'ko ng cafeteria when I felt my phone vibrated on my pocket so I took it out and checked it.

From: Clyde

Let's see each other later..

I felt my heart beat faster. Damn, what the fuck.

Binalik ko ang cellphone ko sa bulsa ko at nagpatuloy sa paglalakad.