fifteen ; l.h.

them

h i m

luke really desperately wanted to believe that he hadn't done what he just did.

that he hadn't actually packed a bag, left nothing but a note for the girl he loved, then drove a rental car all the way back to the hellhole he came from.

but no matter how many times he tried to delude himself, there was no denying that he did indeed do those things and in that, he hurt noelle more than he intended to.

the entire 4 hour drive back to his hometown, he contemplated going back. he couldn't even imagine the look on her face when she read the note.

would she be disgusted? happy? both?

not to mention, he felt like a dick just leaving her like that. all alone without any closure or explanation. hell, luke even left his phone with her, which definitely didn't help his cause in the slightest.

yet there he was, car parked in front of a cemetery. the cemetery. it'd been too many years since he'd visited.

his body worked on autopilot as it led him to three specific graves - all side by side. on each grave, he placed an asphodel flower near the headstone, tears already rolling down his cheeks.

the asphodel represented regret and tiredness. which wasn't far off from how luke was feeling. he regretted what'd happened to the three people he once loved most in his life.

however, he was tired of lingering on it. he had to stop living in the past and he knew that, but he wouldn't forget. even for noelle, he wouldn't. couldn't. a part of himself would always feel guilty and nothing could change that.

"hi guys," luke whispered, trailing over the graves with watery eyes, "it's been a while, hasn't it? i, uh, moved away after you guys died. to this nice place a few hours away. you guys know more than anyone that i hate being in one place too long.

a laugh, a forced once, but a laugh.

"did you know i was going to jump off a building a couple of days ago? if you guys are actually watching, you know that i was and you probably feel so disappointed. i am, too. i didn't jump, though. all thanks to this girl."

luke smiled as he recounted the events of what seemed like forever ago. he didn't mind talking to rocks embedded in the ground. in a way, he preferred that they couldn't reply. it made him feel less guilty about what he had to say.

"you guys would love her," he continued, "she's beautiful and the complete opposite of me, to be honest. even so, she still deals with all my shit, so you guys would definitely like her, especially you Jack."

his heart broke further as he mentioned his brother's name and he felt himself lose the strength to talk, but continued anyways.

"on a more serious note, she saved my life. she showed me that life isn't as bad as it seems and she's the reason i'm happy now. i'm sorry for what happened, but i have to move on," his voice cracked as fresh tears fell.

"for her. because i love her, you guys. i love her so damn much and she deserves the world. you three are still my favorite people in the world, always. still, you have to understand that i need to let go. i love and miss you...i'm so-"

a sob broke off his speech and he couldn't help but bury his face in his shaking hands, hot tears dripping down his scarred wrists. luke couldn't do this. it hurt too much and there was too much to leave behind.

"luke? is that you?" a familiar, quiet voice asked from several feet behind him.

swiping at his tears, luke whipped around. seeing who it was, a small sad smile grew on his face.