Tiny pebbles of rain splashed across my face. The droplets clung to me, making me cold as they slid down my hair and under the collar of my coat. I walked, head down, crushing the trash that had piled up on the grassy sides of the highway. A flattened pop can sat next to a soaked daisy-covered foam heart, put there to mark the site of a car accident. There were few houses on this side of the street, and a long stretch of forest leading up to a gas station. I was almost home.
Cars splashed water over the asphalt. The sound was comforting, like a loud crashing wave.
I saw you. I saw what you did.
Anxiousness twisted my insides, anxiousness, and rage. I wanted to hit something, hurt someone.
Why did I jump? When I tried to make myself not do something, it never worked. How could I have made such a stupid decision I must have looked crazy?
Nevermind that now there was nothing I could do. I kept thinking about my ghost friends Whisper and Dreamer and Secret had they been imaginary? I'd been home for two weeks, and there was no sign of them, no matter how many times I had looked for them, no matter how many flowers I left out, no matter how many times I went down to the river.
I took a deep breath, rain shooting up my nose. It reminded me of crying.
The trees seemed more full of life in the rain. I knew what my grandmother was going to say when I got back, the smell of liquor on my breath with a torn shirt. Truthful things.
The same things Selinda would say tomorrow. There was no way to explain what had happened without telling something. Him kissing me was what Selinda would really care about—that, and that I had let him, even if only for a second. And I could imagine what he was telling Selinda now—embarrassed, angry, and drunk—but even a badly constructed lie would sound better than what really happened.
I kissed her.
But even if he did admit it, who would believe that he kissed me on purpose, but ripped my shirt by accident? No, he must have told a completely different story. So what was I supposed to say when Selinda asked what happened? She already thought I was a liar.
I could still feel the heat of Orion's hands, a stroke of heat against my waist in contrast to my otherwise soaked skin.
Another wave of rain stung my face, this one bringing a call with it from the direction of the forest. The sound was brief but full of sadness. I stopped abruptly. There was no sound except the rain and wind, splashing like the ocean.
Then, just as a van sped past, I heard the noise again. Fainter, this time, maybe a sob broke off at the end. It was just inside the wall of trees.
I moved down the slight slope, and into the forest. I pushed through the dripping branches of a pine, stepping on the loose branches that had fallen from some of the trees. Weeds brushed across my ankles, leaving streaks of water. The stormy sky lit the woods with blue flashes. An earthy, sweet odor of dirt and flowers engulfed me whenever I disturbed the carpet of leaves and twigs.
There was no one in here.
I turned toward the highway. I could still see the road from where I was standing. What was I thinking? The sound must have come from one of the houses beyond the highway. No one else would be dumb enough to go traipsing through a wet, muddy forest in the middle of the night.
I made my way back up to the road, carefully making my way through the woods picking spots that looked somewhat drier than others. Leaves and twig bits had gathered along my nylons, and I bent down to clean them off.
"What are you doing here?" I jumped hearing the voice. The voice was timid and yet strangely still sounded aggressive, though the words were said quickly.
