The Hairball

Prologue

Jared, the notorious demon of chaos, has fallen in love with an attractive nymph with blond hair and brown eyes. Jared smiled to himself in the mirror and flexed his muscles (which were non-existent) and said: "Welcome to the gun show".

Jared is what you would typically call ' your worst nightmare,' with red skin, sharp teeth, yellow slitted eyes, a crimson bald head, sharpened black horns and an extremely pointed chin.

As he smiled at himself, relishing in the pure beauty of The mighty Jared, you could see the rows of teeth that go to the back of his throat, which were yellow and stained red with his victim's blood. "Sir," one of Jared's servants asked timidly, "shouldn't you brush your teeth?"

"YOU INSOLENT, WORTHLESS BRAT!" Jared roared in his servant's face, the once "beautiful" smile was now replaced by an ugly sneer. "I'M ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL, AND IF YOU THINK OTHERWISE, YOU WILL BE JOINING MY VICTIMS!"

The servant, who was in the corner, changing the color of tidy whities, quickly nodded saying " You a-are the mo-most b-b-eatiful crea- creature a-a-a-a-live" and quickly ran off. "That's good to hear," Jared spoke underneath his breath, calming down. "I almost thought I would have to ruin the suit with blood, then what would I wear?"

As Jared went back to admiring himself, he realized how long his armpit hair was. It almost went down to his waist! 'That's gotta go' Jared thought to himself. If he wanted to impress this lady, then he would have to try very hard.

Getting his jet black razor with little red devil horns engraved into it, he began to shave off his armpit. As he shaved himself, he slightly nicked himself, getting blood on some armpit hair. Once Jared finished shaving, he looked down and realized just how much hair there was. It went up to his waist.

After looking in the mirror one more time before discarding the hair in the trash can, Jared walked out to go on his date.

The "romantic" date was a strip club. Arriving 30 minutes late, Jared saw his date flirting with five other guys. "Sydney!" Jared shouted, "come over here!". The girl looked around confused, as that was not her name, but saw him. The girl, named Bethany, she turned to him with a flirtatious expression.

However, her flirtatious demeanor quickly changed to disgust once she saw who it was, and Bethany's immediate reaction was "Oh my god, I thought I was done with this arrogant phony!". But instead of ignoring him or walking out, she walked over to him, stumbling slightly.

"My name is Bethany, not 'Sydney'!" she hissed. Jared was turned away from her, looking at himself in the reflection of his watch. He smiled and faced her, "Sorry love, I can't hear you of the sound of how awesome I am" and walked out.