Living with you

2

I wish I had seen the red flags. Then maybe this whole mess would have been avoided.
We would be arguing in the car and start fighting over silly things such as the volume of the radio. We would both get mad but he would get more then mad, he would get seriously pissed. I saw this but being the stubborn person I am I kept pushing his buttons, literally. Finally, he would grab my wrist, tight, then he would punch the radio off.
He would punch the walls and leave holes in the door. One day I stood in front of the door. I recognize that if he hit me it would have been my fault because I got in his way. Later he told me he wanted to punch the part of the door next to my face to scare me. The look he gave me is a look I see almost daily.
The first time he yelled at me was terrifying. It was also the first time I started loosing trust for him. He left me alone with his phone and me being the snoopy, jealous girlfriend I am I began to look at his messages with this girl he had been talking about a lot. He had recently said he name during sex so I was terrified to see the messages between them. They talked about him flying out to see her. He came back and I asked him about it and that's when we started fighting. He told me he was taking me home and the whole drive we fought. He squeezed my hand and raised his voice at me. When we were down the street from my house we started fighting over his headphones. He pulled them out of my hands and yelled so loud it scared the life out of me.
"DON'T TOUCH MY FUCKING THINGS!" He yelled. I was so scared I tried to get out of the car and run. His voice was deep and loud. I couldn't stop crying. Two years later and his voice still booms in my mind.
He's only yelled at me like that twice.
The second time was even more terrifying.
The third red flag that I shouldn't have ignored was after a fight. We were both tired from yelling and crying and I laid in his arms facing away from him, already scared and tense from the argument we just had. He started feeling me up and I told him I wasn't in the mood. Then he held me tighter and rubbed his boner against my butt.
He whispered in my ear, " Don't you think you owe me."
I was so scared I tried to crawl away, crying and screaming that I didn't want to.
He pulled me back in and told me to relax because he wasn't going to do anything. He was right, he wasn't going to do anything, that night.
There were so many red flags that I ignored. I kept telling myself it was all ok because he didn't hit me, he didn't rape me. He didn't actually hurt me so it was ok. But for the people reading this it was not ok. Those were the red flags waving right in my face that things were only going to get worse.