The second chance of an unfortunate life

Chapter 5

I have now officially been awake for 20 hours. I haven't slept all night, just staring at the ceiling wondering who may have helped me into my apartment and if they have done anything else to me. I get out of bed exhausted and anitcipating today but I know I have to do it or else I will never know what happened to me. I do my normal routine in the morning and go catch my bus into town.

I arrive at the chemist trying to find the cheapest pregnancy tests. I don't really have enough money to buy much at the moment because I haven't worked for five days but I go back tomorrow so I will be fine I guess. I go up to the counter to buy the tests and the lady asks me,"Expecting a baby eh? Must be exciting!" My stomach sinks because I am so not ready or excited at all about having ababy." No I better not be expecting one." She stays silent and I leave to get home as soon as possible.

I rush inside and go straight to the toilet to pee. I wait impatiently until It's finally released. The packet says I have to wait about 2-3 minutes for the test results. As I finish peeing I flush the toilet and start walking around the apartment to waste time. I don't bother washing my hands I'm too nervous to anyway. Three minutes finally pass and I look down to see the results I have been dreading..... Positive. Is positive good or bad? I'm pretty sure its good thing right? Like why on earth would they say positive if its bad news. Holy shit I'm pregnant!! I am Fucking pregnant. I don't even know which sick fucking bastard did this to me. Which fucking Cunt took my keys dragged me into my apartment and fucking raped me in my own bed. Who the fuck does that? Violating someone like that deserves the death penalty, If I ever find out who did this to me they better fucking watch out because the sooner I know who the scumbag was the sooner I can cut their fucking dick off. I am so ashamed and have completely and utterly lost any glimpse of confidence in myself.

For the past hour all I have been able to do is cry. I feel even more defeated than when Jax died. This past month couldn't have been any worse for me I've experienced a death of a good friend, got stood up up by my girlfriend and embarrassed myself In front of a waitress then got really drunk and was sexually abused by a stranger in my own home.And I thought the year before was humiliating, I bet I would be laughing at the person that I am now. Thousands of tiny thoughts racing through my mind telling me if I should keep the baby or not. I know that there's no fucking way I would keep it, If I do decide to have the baby it will go straight to the adoption center, I want nothing to do with this child. If I deicde to abort the baby I am not facing my fears head on and being a coward like I have been my whole fucking life. If I have the baby it will show this scumbag that I can carry on with life even after all this shit has happened to me. I am going to have the baby. Hopefully some kind of miracle happens and I have a miscarriage,then I wouldn't have to carry this burden with me for nine months.

I know I will have to tell Tyla what happened to me. It's unfair for me to just still be in a relationship with her without her knowing I am pregnant and if she leaves me I understand completely, but I hope she holds some kind of compassion towards this. I need to ring her now and tell her everything, if I want our relationship to function properly I can't lie to her about anything. I grab my phone and call her. " Hey Kourtnii what's up?" the sound of her voice almost makes me cry because I know this could be the day I lose her. "Hey Babe,we need to talk. Can you come over tonight as soon as possible, it's important." It takes awhile for her to answer but she finally says something, " Okay, I'll be right over I have something to say aswell. See you soon okay." She hangs up before I can say goodbye, although I don't think I could've said it anyway I'm too choked up because I am anxious of the outcome of tonight's talk. Will she believe what I have to say and what does she need to say to me that is so important? I guess I'll find out soon won't I.

I open the door for Tyla and we go take a seat because I don't want to be standing for this. Tyla is the first one to break the silence, " So what do you need to tell me, Would you like to go first?" I look at her frozen with fear not wanting to tell her but I know I have to , " Okay,before I start I want you to know that I love you so much and you know I would never ever want to hurt you bu-" I start to cry as I struggle to tell her luckily she interupts me, " Kourtnii, look at me , whatever you need to say you can say it okay." She rubs my thigh and it calms me down a bit. "Well, the day that Jax died I got really drunk and I passed out just outside my apartment, when I woke up I was in my bed. I thought that maybe that Mel my neighbour had helped me inside but when I went to thank her she knew nothing about it. Just in case I went and got a pregnancy test and I- I tested positive to being pregnant. Tyla I was raped. I am so sorry." I can't help but cry , "Kourtnii oh my god are you keeping the baby ,I-I dont know what to say I-" She looks totally shocked It almost kills me knowing tha this could be the end for us."You don't have to say anything but I am keeping the baby , I understand If you want to leave me and I've prepared myself for it but first what did you need to tell me?" She doesn't say anything just looks away from me, "Tyla,what's wrong? You can tell me anything babe its okay." She finally speaks, "I have been having an affair for the past two months, I am so sorry Kourt-" She tries to grab my hand but I pull away from her, "Who- Who is this fucking whore? Do I know her for godssake?" "Her name is Aleesha, She works the same shift with me at the hospital,you've met her a couple of times, I didn't think anything would happen I swear Kourtnii I did love you." I look at her with pure disgust," Oh my god, I can't believe you stood me up for that French whore, I trusted you and you betrayed my trust and fucked that dirty little slut, Aleesha.Get the fuck out of my house Tyla." I scream at her full of anger. "Kourtnii dont be like this, I'm Sor-" If she lies to me one more time I swear I will kill her, Just get out Tyla I don't want see your filthy face again you slut. Have a nice life." I open the door for her escorting her out she says one more thing and for the first time since we've dated she doesn't lie, " I hope that some day you find happiness Kourtnii, I really do. Goodbye." And with that she leaves. I slam the door and fall to the ground trying not to let her hear me cry.I don't understand why she couldn't just tell me before. I've always known she like foreign girls. Aleesha was a short but very sexy french girl with long wavy dark red hair. Her french accent was something you could only picture in a movie I let the image of Aleesha ruin me until I can't stay in the same spot. Drowning in my tears, I pick myself up and go straight to my bed hoping for this exhausting long day to end

Right now all I feel like doing today is lying in bed with my stuffed toy , Ernie who I've had since I was a little girl. It's sad to know that he's the only thing that has ever been with me through everything and will never leave me. Even if he is just a teddy bear he always seems to make me feel ten times better. Ernie was an old stuffed teddy bear with beady black eyes and a small smile. His fur dirty and coarse with the collection of dust and dirt over the years. his left arm longer than the other from being pulled on when I was a young child and the poor stitching that kept him together looked like it was seconds near of ripping. Even if ol' Ernie is just and dirty old bear he was still mine and nothing could change that. I try to forget everything that has happened to me in my life as I hold Ernie close to my chest not wanting to let go of him. As I slowly drift to sleep I remember the good innocent times when I was oblivious to destruction and heartbreak. As a child you think nothing of what is outside the world of adolescence but instead focus purely on what makes you happy and you don't think about what's wrong or right you just do it because you love it and that's what makes you happy. I haven't had that feeling in a very long time. I finally stop resisting sleep and begin dreaming about something I've never had. A second chance.

I never really understood the importance of having a second chance. I thought that I had been given that second chance when I moved here to Detroit but I soon found out that I was still living the unfortunate life I had before but I was just digging a deeper hole. I thought a new city would help me forget the past and begin anew. However, I now realize that my desperate attempt to flee all bad things in my life was just another thing to force me to conquer my fears and own up to my immaturity. I have to start taking things into my own hand and finding a solution to my problems instead of ignoring them. I have done that my whole life but now It's time for me to grow up and face the consequences of my actions and entrust in myself and follow a new path in my life. It's my turn to create a second chance for myself and not let anyone do it for me. This is my time. I hold my own fate now and this life I have been living ends today.