Orphans | Larry

39

Harry POV

I sat, my face pale and my eyes dark from lack of sleep, as I witnessed the ventilator pumping the life through Louis' veins.

Three days I had sat in this chair, blaming myself for everything. I felt numb, not knowing whether he would pull through, and not knowing how I would proceed in life if he did not. His face was eerily calm, the soft artificial beat of his chest bringing some sort of tranquility to my own being.

The note sat in my lap, read and re-read a thousand times. The words only now readable to myself as my tears had smudged the delicate handwriting.

People had come and gone, I had been the one constant, sat by him 24/7. The staff thought I had lost my mind, and they were probably right. I had never had a thought of dying before, but without Louis I would be living in an everlasting hell, the only thing that could take me away from that would in fact be death.

The buzz of the flickering hospital lights caused for my ears to scream and my eyes to burn, his cold hand in mine caused for my heart to ache and my veins to stiffen. I was a breathing corpse, no food entered my system, and no sleep entered my soul. I was wasting away before my own eyes, and not a part of me cared. I cared now only for the boy beside me, un-peaceful in his expression, seemingly lost and seemingly hurt.

His arms were bandaged tightly, beneath them stitches held his lifeline in place. You did not know pain until a simple suture and a machine was all that held together the life of your loved one.

"Harry, my love." The kind middle aged nurse that had attempted everything to keep me stable approached me.

I shook my head, my eyes trained on the tray of food she had bought in.

"You have to eat." She sighed.

"I can't." The few words I had managed to get out since this had all occurred. My voice was hoarse, damaged, like my soul.

"I'll leave it here, okay?"

I nodded, my eyes now once again trained against his eyelashes that rested against his skin like a piece of artwork.

The door shut behind her, the smell of food nauseating me. I ran to the bathroom, vomiting nothing but bile as that was all that was left. I ran my hand through my greasy hair, I caught my reflection. It was a stranger looking back at me. My cheeks were sunken, my pupils dilated and dark, my eyes lashes sticky with tears, it was only a matter of time before my body gave way alongside Louis'.

I made my way back into the chair, the leather sticking to me, the wooden panelling causing for my back to hurt. That was the least of my concerns, however. I opened up my phone, the last number I had rang staring back at me. For somebody I had never met she was a comfort throughout, it was as if I had known her my whole life.

I contemplated calling once again, but the last thing I wanted was to push away another person with my persistence.

The pain was unbearable, each and every time I looked over I felt another piece of my heart get ripped from my body. If only I had listened to him, why did it take this for me to listen to him? I did not deserve him, he was the purest soul I had ever met, he had grounded me when I had needed, loved me when I thought I could not be loved, and believed me. He believed in me.

Why didn't I believe in him?

I would wait two more days, two more days before ending it all. I was not sure I could even survive those two days, but at least then I could say I had tried. A sort of peace fell over me then, knowing that I would only have to endure the excruciating pain that was a life without him for two more days.