A Lone Wolf • Mark Tuan

{Ten}

"Then you tell me," you snapped. "Tell me what he said to Mark that would just make him throw me away like I was nothing." You were tired of people dancing around topics with you. You just wanted them to be honest with you, because you felt like you were always out of the loop. "Tell me what makes me such a terrible person, when I was the one pushed away." You were already feeling guilty for sleeping with Jaebum, and Jackson was only making it worse.

"Why don't you just ask your fuck boy?" Jackson was clearly angry with you, and you weren't sure he'd be able to forgive you, especially since you weren't sure you'd be able to forgive yourself.

"Because I'm asking you." Some desperation slipped into your voice, and Jackson noticed.

His demeanor changed slightly, and even though he still seemed upset, he seemed to sympathize with you for a moment. "He told Mark that if he continued holding onto you like he was, then Mark would lose you. He told Mark that he was being selfish for wanting to keep someone with an alpha gene in his pack, because that would only end badly. Even if you didn't want to become an alpha, eventually that gene would take over, and you would have no choice. That would mean that Mark and you would have to battle, and either he'd have to kill you or vice versa. What happened between the two of them was a rare thing, and the chances of that happening again would be next to impossible."

This silenced you. If Jaebum had said these things to Mark, that meant that Mark broke up with you to try and protect you, but at the same time, he should've talked to you about it, instead of making a rash decision. "That wasn't the only thing that could've happened," you whispered.

"I know that," Jackson said. "You two could've worked things out, or maybe you could have just never joined our pack officially, but when Jaebum got the idea that Mark could end up killing you in his head, Mark wasn't thinking logically. He pushed you away because he was afraid to lose you, which is why I'm here. I was going to try to convince you to come back to him and talk things through, but I don't know what the point is now. I hope you can live with the decision you've made." Jackson started to walk away from you, but you stopped him.

You needed more time to process the information Jackson had given you, because it didn't all make sense to you yet, but you couldn't stand him just condemning you like that. "Have you found your mate yet?"

Jackson paused and looked back at you, wondering where you were going with this. "No."

"Then you don't know what it's like to be around your mate." You took a step forward. "Imagine coming across a complete stranger, and your body completely freezes. Your senses burn with desire. You can't think. You can't move. You can't even breathe, because you're aching with desire. It's almost painful to be so close to them, yet not be able to touch them.

"Everything in your body tells you that you need this person in order to complete you, which makes no sense, because you haven't even said a word to them, but somehow you know. You can't think properly around them, since your body has taken complete control, and your mind can only focus again once the body's desires are quieted for a moment. Then after you're left completely exposed and vulnerable with the person can you even start to process what just happened.

"That's what happened with Mark and I. I didn't even know him, before we went back to my place and fulfilled that aching desire. It was only after I had sex with him that I could even process what it meant to find my mate. Can you imagine all of that?"

Jackson was quiet, but he continued listening to you with his full attention.

"You probably think that must be a great feeling, feeling so completely by someone you barely know, and it is a great feeling. But now I want you to imagine that after finding this person that completes you, you come across someone else who clouds your mind just as much. You can't think again, and as long as you're around them, you won't be able to think again until your body is satisfied. Now that... that's a terrible feeling. So yes, I fucked Jaebum, and maybe you think I'm just making excuses and maybe I am, but after my heart was shattered by Mark and I was left vulnerable, Jaebum showed up, and I couldn't think."