Always Forever | ✓

Chapter Two

LEANING FORWARD ON the couch, I cup Devin's cheek with my hand and whisper, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's alright." He shrugs it off as if losing his grandmother, the only person who was there for him when he needed the most help, means nothing.

The loss of a loved one isn't like losing a pencil, like many of my second graders do and cry about, I can always hand them another colorful pencil, but I can never replace the life of a loved one.

I know better than to fall for his charade. He's hurting. I can see it in the diversion of his eyes, blinking away unshed tears. I can feel it in his aura, emitting immense grief.

Getting up, he shuffles me onto the side cushion. The veins on the side of his neck bulge out of his skin, dangerously thickening. He reaches for the inside pocket of his jeans.

Pulling out his cellphone, he says, giving me his back while typing on the keyboard, "I'm going to call my sisters. It'll take a while. Go downstairs and finish packing."

The heavens I will.

With all the respect I have for my father, even when he asks me to do something I don't want to, I argue back. Politely, of course, but I still voice my feelings. With Devin, it'll be no differently. He doesn't even ask. He states, commands me to go. Why? I have a longitude of reasons, but I'm only sure of two.

One, he doesn't want me to see him hurt because, in his culture, a man can't lack strength. Weakness is a demise and any sign of emotion makes him appear fragile.

Two, and the one I'm leaning toward is that he sees himself falling deeper and deeper into the abyss that is depression. I can feel it. And my instincts never fail.

"Devin." I'm by his side in seconds, covering the cellphone before he gets a chance to make a call. His back rises and falls as he stands to his full height, towering over me.

"Go downstairs, Genevieve. Your apartment's a mess." It's no lie that my old apartment is a haunting mess. A hoarder's paradise, to be honest.

Since the two weeks that I've moved in with Devin, I have been using the downstairs apartment as storage. It still looks the same as before, minus my clothes, Angie, and with piles of moving boxes.

Yes, there's still lots to be done and I should've finished packing everything a while back. But a shirtless, sweaty Devin made it impossible for us to finish cleaning up. We mostly ended earlier than usual making out on the bed until the morning. That's why it's taken me two weeks to move out and it'll probably take me a few more days still. However, I'm not leaving Devin to mourn alone.

I wish I would've had a shoulder to cry on when Jess died. I wish someone would have told me it will be okay. That now I have another angel watching over me. That she's in a better place, she's happy now and with the baby she lost.

My mother had my father, and my father had my mother. They woke up and went to sleep in the same bed, holding and coping together. I woke up and slept alone in the same room my sister died in. I won't do the same to Devin. He might say he needs time alone, but I won't go downstairs unless I'm sure he'll be okay. Right now, I'm not sure. Not at all.

"What did the email say?"

"The funeral's in two days." He palms his eyes. "Uncle Perry wants me to go."

"Will you?" I ask, uncertain.

According to him, and pretty much everyone in his family, Devin's paternal family was never a part of his life or his sisters'. I wouldn't be surprised if his sisters don't attend the funeral, and I wouldn't be surprised if Devin does go.

He's the sweetest, most caring person I've ever met. He has a beautiful soul and there's not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for bringing him into my life.

It wasn't until I met him that I noticed how empty my life was before him. How dull and unfulfilling it was. Now, with him, it feels right. It feels like forever. Like I have finally found my home.

He nods, though faintly. I can already see him closing in on himself, going into his own head.

When Jess died, I didn't feel her death until days later. I cried because I knew I'd never see her again, but I didn't understand the extent grief has until much later. It's like a rubber band, weakening the farther it stretches. Once it snaps, it can move forward or backfire, hit you straight in the face, leaving a visible scar.

As I stayed up all night reading the Bible, I waited for Jess to complain about the light, but she never did. When I took my sweet time taking a shower and no one came rushing me out, that's when her presence was missed most. All of the sudden, the things I hated most about her were the ones I missed the most.

I all but pray Devin's rubber band doesn't backfire, not when we've come so far, not when we're finally moving forward, seeing the sun glowing in the horizon, saying goodbye to darkness.

I hope everything we said in Dr. Reign's office wasn't hypothetical talk. I hope we can have a conversation about what's happening now and what can happen in the future. So, I'm going to stop freaking out because I know how much it stresses him out.

"Yes. I just want to see if my sisters got the same email and if they're going, too. You should go now before it turns dark soon." He still avoids my eyes.

Come on, Devin. Let me see you.

"Please, don't shut me out," I whisper.

In and out he breathes, attempting to cool his emotions. "I'm not. I just need to mourn the life of the only person who stood up for me when no one else did."

Getting in front of him, I wrap my arms around him and bring his torso close to mine, trying my hardest to squeeze all the pain out of him.

"I love you. You know that, right?" He nods and I decide to give him some space. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

"I will," he says, kissing my forehead. I close my eyes and breathe in his scent, imprinting it further into my memory.

When I hear him on the phone with Camila, I reach for my keys and head downstairs.